Final Fantasy 8 Balamb Garden vs Galbadia Garden
by Vinsontran23
Summary: A story, making fun of how Squall handle things, if he had the mind of a 10yearold maniac. He also has a volleyball friend named Wilson!
1. Preparing for our Demise

**_A note from Kira: Hey Oh-so-loyal readers! I hope you are enjoying the story, but having the lack of self confidence that I do, I ask you to try your best to review after every chapter, heck, have your friends read and review too! Please remember that every review helps in the making of this ever so wonderfully funny story!_**

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Final Fantasy 8

Balamb Garden vs. Galbadia Garden.

Chapter 1 – Preparing For Our Demise

At this point, Squall has to prepare their garden for the battle against Galbadia.

Squall: Well, since we are to lay siege on Galbadia over the mountains over there, I suggest that we get some rest and be ready to attack by morning. This shall be a cruel war, everyone fighting and dying, but realize this. If you don't fight back, you shall die a worthless death. And we cannot have a majority of our students die in a battle. We pay enough money for other student deaths, like the T-Rex prank, or the bite bug swarm.

Quistis: Well, I told you never to put a jungle inside our mobile school!

Xu: I suggest telling them the attack plan.

Squall: Ok, this is how our troops will be split up. Squad A, consisting of all seniors, shall invade the enemy base. Squad B, consisting of all students not seniors or freshmen, shall defend the garden. Squad C, consisting of all freshmen, shall run away using our very classy escape pods and call for help. Any questions?

(Zell comes charging into the office)

Zell: Yo, I have a question. What are you going to do?

Squall: I shall watch over the battle in my highly-fortified tower. With my outstanding leadership, I will call out commands and help everyone to victory. Also, I will be watching for anyone who dies, because they fail all their classes and get an F in PE. That is all. (Microphone feedback)

Zell: Well, I'm not complaining, I already have an F in PE.

(Squall gathers up his party and talks to them about our tactics)

Rinoa: Well, what should we do now, everyone doesn't feel like we can win. Probably because someone told them that we were most likely going to die a horrible death.

Squall: It's true you know.

Zell: I say give out free hot dogs in the cafeteria! That'll give them courage.

Squall: You mean give you an all-you-will-eat buffet?

Zell: Yea, pretty much. Could we though?

Squall: No.

Zell: Damn.

Quistis: So what is the plan?

Squall: Since I love this place, and I love you guys, I decided that 3 of you will defend our garden, while the other 2 come with me to siege Galbadia garden. Oh, and whoever defends the garden gets stripped of their Guardian Forces. So, who wants to stay here?

Rinoa: I'll stay here.

Squall: No, you're coming with me for this battle.

Stephie: I'll stay.

Irvine: If she's staying, than I'm staying.

Quistis: I'll also stay.

Rinoa: Say, Stephie, isn't your real name "Selphie?"

Stephie: No, apparently, there are items in the game that changes my name to something retarded. Now I can't change it back! Stupid SquareSoft!

Squall: Who? Anyways… Give me your guardians.

After hours of junctioning abilities…

Squall: Alright, this battle will begin! Now how do I move this garden?

Xu: Use the pillar over there?

Squall: This big…white…thing...ARRRGGG.

Balamb garden flips upside-down.

Zell: Wow, nice driving. Here, let me drive.

Balamb garden heads toward Galbadia garden, upside-up

Squall: Alright, let the battle begin! Just go crash into them. It's fun. Again. Yea. Yea. Oh wait, what's that? Is that a dent? They'll pay. Crash into them again. Haha! Haha!


	2. There is no Squall in Team

Chapter 2 – There is No "Squall" in Team

The war of Balamb Garden and Galbadia Garden has begun.

Because someone starting ramming Galbadia Garden…

Many people lay dead on the field and Squall, Rinoa, and Zell have invaded Galbadia Garden. Quistis, Irvine, and Stephie continually fight off soldiers.

Irvine: They just never stop coming.

Stephie: I hope Squall and the others are getting somewhere.

Back in Galbadia Garden…

Squall: God, why are we losing to this dog?

Rinoa: Because somebody wanted to free it. It even said on a sign "Do not release, under penalty of death." Just a thought, but I think we're going to die.

Squall: I'll save us. Nothing can stop me!

Renzokuken! Gunblade glows and Squall starts hacking at Cerberus Hits 1 out of 5 slashes

Zell: Wow, you suck.

Cerberus, the dog, casts Thundaga 3x on Zell.

Squall: Sucks to be you.

Zell: Tell my mother I love her! Gah… (Faint)

Renzokuken! Hits none out of 5 slashes

Rinoa: Do not try that again, you just can't aim today.

Cerberus casts Thundaga 3x on Squall.

Squall: Shocking. At least I have lightning insurance.

Cerberus casts thundaga 3x on Rinoa.

Squall: No! I haven't won your heart yet.

Rinoa: It's ok. Since we being honest, I was the one who dated Zell. That is ok, right?

Squall starts chopping Zell's body. Rinoa soon realizes that Zell has no arms.

Squall: This is what you get. For dating. My girl. Take this. And that. And some of this.

Rinoa: Stop, you must defeat the dog for us. (Faint)

Cerberus casts Thundaga 3x on Squall.

Squall has few hp left.

Squall: I, won't, lose to a dog!

Renzokuken! Hits 8 out of 10 slashes.

Squall: Yea, take that!

Cerberus casts Meteor 3x on Squall.

Squall: Ah! Have…to…live…have…to…stop…talking…like this…

Life casted on Squall, Zell, and Rinoa.

Squall: Hey Irvine, Stephie, Quistis, you killed the dog.

Stephie: Yes, enemy troops stopped attacked and started retreating. We came in to find you guys dead. Than we just used several spells and the dog went down. Well we have to continue on to face Edea.

Zell: Let's hurry, while I'm feeling light as a feather.

To be continued…

Zell: Hey, what happened to my arms?


	3. Which Way to There?

Chapter 3 – Which Way to There?

Squall: Now what? We've been walking in circles for hours.

Zell: How would you know? EVERYTHING in here looks the same.

Squall: Well, you're not helping, Mr. Handicap.

Zell: Who cut off my arms while I was dead? Huh?

Squall: I thought you wouldn't mind. You weren't moving.

Quistis: Sigh, anyway, we have to reach Edea soon. Our troops are unable to defend for much longer. There's a classroom right there. (Looks inside) Hello?

Big Swirly Vortex

Zell: Where does this go to? (Pop)

Irvine: We have to go save him. He was my target practice dummy.

Rinoa: No, he's gone. I'm afraid he's on his own for now.

Quistis: We should get going. Can't get sucked in ourselves.

Irvine: But where do we go? All these halls look the same.

Squall: Let's just go into random classrooms. (Opens one and looks inside)

Mimes…everywhere…white…room…Squall shuts door.

Squall: Hurry, this place is driving me nuts!

Rinoa: Let's see… (Opens door, than quickly shuts it afterwards)

Rinoa: Do not want to see that ever again in my life.

Quistis: Let's just keep going down the hall. I doubt she'd be in any one of these rooms.

Hall

Quistis: There it is. The door to Edea. I always hated her.

Irvine: Let's just hurry up and kill her.

BUSTS IN!

Edea's Quarters, black figure on chair at other side of room.

Squall: Edea, time to die. And this time, no creating big blocks of ice that are really, really, pointy and send them into my heart. It hurts really, really, bad. (Sniff)

Black figure gets up from chair. An ice crystal appears.

Squall: AH! It's happening all over again. I can feel it! The icy coldness, cutting into my heart. Guys, help, I don't want to die!

Black figure steps forward, revealed to be Seifer.

Seifer: Wow, you need therapy.

Ice crystal dissolves to water and splashes onto ground.

Squall: What the…darn it, you'll pay for this!

Seifer: Than show me what you can do!

Squall: Gladly…

To be continued…

Seifer: Oh look, ice crystal, extra pointy!

Squall: (Weep, weep) I don't want to die…


	4. The Biggest Fight Since Chapter 2

Chapter 4 – The Biggest Fight Since Chapter 2

Seifer: Come on Squall, fight me in a duel.

Squall: Now that'd be stupid. Three on one seems better suited for me.

Seifer: Fine, I doubt you and your little friends could kill me. Now draw!

Than the party starts disappearing. Oddly, Odin comes out and rapidly charges toward Seifer. Using Zantetsuken, he strikes at Seifer. However, Seifer uses Zantetsuken Reverse, slicing Odin in half, and lungs the sword into space.

Squall: NO! Dam, you evil, evil, villain.

Seifer: Better than me getting cut in half. Again.

Squall: Sure.

Seifer: Firaga!

Squall: (Gets burned) Ow. I got burninated.

Rinoa: Attack Angelo! (Dog starts running)

Seifer: Out of my way dog. (Kicks Angelo, and it lets out few arfs while running away)

Rinoa: Know what? FINE! But when you need someone to clean up after you, don't come back to me!

Irvine: Screw this. Sniping Seifer with one shot. Now hold him still.

Rinoa: We're trying. (Shoots pinwheel)

Squall: Renzokuken! HA! Lion Heart! (Knocks Seifer up in the air, and quickly slashes him 15 times. Afterwards, Seifer falls down on the ground with a big 'thump')

Seifer: Is that the best you got! Ha, this has only begun. Even if my arm is badly severed, my left leg is numb, and I'm missing my right leg. But I can still fight! REGEN! (Grows back right leg, arm heals and all scratches on body disappear)

Irvine: Alright, taking the shot. (BANG, Seifer's head starts bleeding)

Seifer: AH! GOD! THE PAIN! I'M GOING TO...

Irvine: Shut up before I shot you again.

Seifer: You guys got lucky this time. Say goodbye suckers. (Runs off)

Rinoa: Hey, come back here!

Squall: Well that was easy.

Irvine: Shouldn't we follow her?

Squall: Nah, it's ok. We can tell where they went by the trail of blood left by Seifer's leaking head.

Stephie: Squall. Rinoa was kidnapped!

To be continued…

Stephie: Squall. Squall. Aren't you going to get her back?

Squall: Uh, am I suppose to?

Stephie: Are you going to leave your sweetheart with your hated rival?

Squall: Well…she isn't that pretty and she does nag a lot and…

Stephie: JUST GO RESCUE HER!

Squall: Ok, ok, geesh.


	5. Edea, the Witch with Bad Makeup

Chapter 5 – Edea, the Witch with Bad Makeup

At a hall…

Squall: Which way they go? The trail of blood stops here.

Irvine: Well, I think we should just go into that room where the blood oddly stops.

Squall: Fine. But if there are mimes in there, we give up on Zell and Rinoa and leave them behind. (Opens door and finds many icicles. An icy breeze comes out. All the icicles are pointed, sharp, and facing toward the door. 10 seconds after Squall opens the door, he faints.)

Stephie: Oh great! He's fainted because he remembered the icicle incident. By the way, why would they have an icicle room in the first place?

Irvine: I don't know. Anyway, Stephie, Quistis, go on and look for Seifer. Don't fight him. I'll stay here and try to wake up Squall.

Stephie: Alright. Catch up with us as soon as he wakes up.

After running for about 5 minutes…

Stephie: There, the door. I think it leads to the main hall.

Quistis: No use wasting time. Let's go.

They entered through the door. Everything was dark. Suddenly, the light flashes on. Edea and Seifer are high up in the room. (About 2 stories) Rinoa lies unconscious on the floor.

Stephie: Rinoa, wake up! Wake up! Man, I'm losing people to talk to. I don't do well when I'm lonely.

Edea: It's no use. She's under my spell.

Quistis: Than break the spell so we can beat you up horribly, than run out of here so we can get back to our garden-related problems.

Seifer: I'm afraid we can't let you do that. Anyway, you two shouldn't be a problem. I'll give you the honor of dying at my hands right here, right now.

Stephie: I hope Irvine and Squall are coming. If not, we're not going to make it out of here alive.

Quistis: Why don't we run?

Stephie: Now that's just anticlimatic. Just wait. We'll get rescued. Just wait.

To be continued…

Irvine: Squall. Wake up!

Squall: Ah…what happened?

Irvine: You fell unconscious after you looked into that room.

Squall: What room…? (Faint)

Irvine: Squall? Squall? God.


	6. Bloody Murder! Bloody Murder!

Chapter 6 – Bloody Murder! Bloody Murder!

After several minutes of fighting…

Stephie: Since when can you do 9999 damage?

Seifer: Don't know. Time to die! (Raises sword very slowly)

Over at the other far side of the room…

Squall: Come on. Take a shot. Stephie isn't not going to make it!

Irvine: Alright, alright, stop worrying. (BANG, misses Seifer's head by a few inches. Seifer looks around)

Squall: Damn it, take some more shots. (BANG, BANG, BANG, all shots circling Seifer's head. Seifer looks at the hole marks on the wall)

Irvine: Crud. I have to reload.

Squall: Great. I wonder what Seifer's thinking.

At the battle field…

Seifer: Hm, where should I attack. The back's fun and painful, but it's too bloody after. Chopping their head's nice, but the blood starts dripping everywhere when I throw it away. Maybe their arms…

Over at the other far side of the room…

Squall: Give me that. I'm just going to shoot his arm. (Bang, hit's Seifer's head. It starts dripping blood from the side.) Ok, that's not right.

At the battlefield…

Seifer: Ow. I'm starting to… (Faint)

Edea: Maybe you should start wearing a helmet like I told you to!

Rinoa: Huh…? Where am I?

Edea: Looks like you broke away from my spell. No matter. I'll finish you off right here, right now. (Begins a dark spell)

Over at the far side of the room…

Irvine: Come on, let's get down there before she gets desperate and finishes them off.

Squall: Crud, Edea's casting a spell. Doesn't look good for Rinoa. She's allergic to magic. Or something. I think it was dairy. Maybe dairy magic.

To be continued…

Squall: By the way, can I burrow your sniper rifle?

Irvine: Sure, why? What are you doing…?

Squall: You do not. (BANG) Capture. (BANG) My. (BANG) Girlfriend! (BANG, BANG, BANG) Here, you want a couple of shots?

Irvine: Nah, I'm good.

Squall: Suit yourself. (BANG, BANG, BANG.)


	7. One Way Ticket to Victory

Chapter 7 – One Way Ticket to Victory

Squall: We've come to rescue you guys. (Big Black Ball above Edea continues to grow larger and more visible.) Damn it. Can we stop her?

Rinoa: No, we're all doomed. DOOMED!

Squall: Can't be. I'll revive the others and see what our options are. (Revives Quistis and Stephie and tells them of situation.)

Stephie: I got nothing.

Quistis: Same. Wait, did you just revive us so we can die again in a black explosion?

Squall: (…) Yea, looks like it.

Irvine: What if we summon our troops and order them to attack her?

Quistis: So they can meet their doom too?

Squall: When you put it like that, I say we should let's summon our troops.

Rinoa: Listen, when I was asleep, I heard a voice. It said "Take my power. Take it." Than there was emptiness for like several minutes. Before I knew it, the voice started talking again. "Take my power. It's free. And dairy magic free." I am allergic to dairy magic.

Squall: See? I knew she was allergic to dairy magic.

Rinoa: Well that's all of it. I think that I have to take her power.

Quistis: What was your first clue?

Squall: No wait. What if it changes you? What if it makes you meaner, angrier, EVILER? And your eyes turn red with anger? I can't live with that. Or live if you destroy the world.

Seifer begins to cough. Everyone looks at him.

Seifer: There's no…hope…We're all…going to…die…

Squall: How are you alive? I shot you like 20 times in the head.

Seifer: I don't…know…you must have missed. (Cough, cough)

Irvine: Harder than it looks huh?

Squall: Can her power be taken away?

Rinoa: Hurry up this conversation. The ball has stopped growing.

Seifer: Yes. For…

Squall: Enough said. Rinoa, take her power away, and let's get out of here.

Rinoa: Right.

Seifer: But…

Edea: There's no escape! Now I shall unleash my ball of destruction onto this room.

Quistis: Wouldn't you die from the pressure as well?

Edea: No. I'm special. I cannot be affected by my own magic.

Rinoa: (…)

Rinoa and Edea start to glow. After a few moments, both lights go out, both maidens faint, and the big ball explodes. The place begins to implode.

Squall: Crud, this place is falling apart!

Quistis: We have to run quickly.

Squall: Ok, I'll carry Rinoa. Sleepyhead.

After running for several halls, they come upon a dead end with a large window on the side.

Irvine: There's no way to escape. Like she said, we're doomed!

The walls continue to collapse toward them. About 20 feet away…

Irvine: Screw it! I'm jumping out this window. RAH!

Irvine leaps toward the window. Oddly, it doesn't break and Irvine falls on the floor with a big thump.

Squall: Wow, that's one strong window.

About 10 feet away…

Squall: Huh? Hey, anyone notice this door here?

Irvine: No.

Quistis: Not me.

Stephie: Never seen it before.

Squall: (Opens door.) Let's hurry.

They continue to run for several moments. Afterwards, they escape the garden in a huge dive. Many excited cheers could be heard from Balamb Garden just nearby.

Squall: Finally. It's over.

The party heads back and enjoy a long rest and a huge celebration.

Stephie: To victory.

Everyone: Yes. (Clings little martini glasses together.)

Quistis: It's finally over.

Squall: I'm just glad Edea and Seifer are long gone.

Irvine: Now I can start picking up chicks again.

Rinoa remains silent. She looks down, and her eyes glow red with anger. The fantasy doesn't end here…

To Be Continued…

Squall: Anyone know where Zell went?

Irvine: Nope.

Quistis: Not me.

Stephie: Haven't seen him.

Squall: (…) Well it was nice knowing him. Stupid armless idiot.


	8. Bonus Chapter after Chapter 3

Chapter 8 – What happened to Zell?

(Pop) Zell appeared to be in a dark, slummy city. The sign said "Midgar," but we all know Zell can't read. He traveled the streets in a new body. Less muscles showed, and his new arms were blocky. Eventually, he came to a tavern that said "7th Heaven." The blonde entered the bar. Upon entering, he was ambushed by many people. And this is where the story continues…

Zell: What? Can't a guy walk into a bar without getting mugged?

Wedge: State your business.

Zell: Drink some booze.

Biggs: Come in. But be quiet. There's something going on downstairs.

Zell went to the bar and begun drinking. Suddenly, someone came up from the stairs. He was blonde, and had a huge sword.

Blonde: It's time for me to start traveling with Tifa and Barret. We're going to blow up the 5th Mako Reactor.

Tifa: Yes, we should be going.

Zell stepped up from his seat. At this point, he'd drunken 6 bloody maries and begun to blabber…

Zell: Why I know you, you're that unsexy blonde guy from my game. Cod was it? I loathe you. All five of you. (At this point, he was having trouble just standing up) Why let me go in your place.

Cloud: There's no way a drunken bastard like you could…

Zell: Move over Cod, there's a new blonde in town!

Barret readied his gun. It cocked.

Barret: Should I just finish this guy off? This guy is so annoying.

Cloud: Wait, that symbol on his gloves…hey drunken bastard! (Zell looked over)

Zell: What? Can't you see I'm being drunk over here?

Cloud: Come with us and let's see what you can do.

(Everyone was surprised at Cloud's statement. Except Zell. He was being…Drunken Zell.)

Tifa: But why?

Cloud: That symbol…its AVALANCHE's symbol.

Barret: Very scary. We should bring him with us. But still keep an eye on him.

(Zell could be seen trying to punch Biggs and Wedge, screaming "You're that one guy I hate, die, die, die!")

Barret: (…) It's going to be one hell of an adventure.


	9. Returning to Reality

**This is not season two, since there wasn't really much of a plot to the first part. Off to the story!**

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Chapter 9 – Returning to Reality

Zell continued on his journey with Cloud, Barret, and Tifa to find his way back home.

Zell: So what are we doing here in this reactor?

Tifa: We have to blow it up, that's what.

Zell: Oh. Anyway, sorry about earlier Cloud.

Cloud: (...)

Reaching the reactor, they walk across many flights of stairways.

Tifa: So much mako. Shinra just keeps absorbing all the energy of the planet. The planet's energy has unimaginable effects.

Cloud: Zell, be sure not to step in.

Zell punches Cloud.

Zell: Watch your step.

Cloud: What the hell? You punched me.

Barret: We're here.

Zell: Wow that was quick.

Tifa: Plant the bomb.

Zell: Ok. This goes here. That goes there. Ok. Setting the timer for...20 minutes.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep-beep-beep-be-be-be-be.

Cloud: Zell, you idiot, you set it for 20 seconds!

Zell: Wait, I know how to defuse it.

Zell goes up and cuts the red wire. In that moment, the bomb exploded. KABOOM! However, the force was so strong that it knocked Zell into the mako water before he died.

Voice: Wake up Zell. Wake up!

Zell found himself in some ruins with Squall.

Squall: Thank goodness we found you. Where have you been?

Zell: Long story. What happened while I was gone?

Squall: Well, Rinoa's eyes turned red so she became evil and started to cast a spell that would destroy the world. The garden is destroyed and we're still recovering the students.

Zell: Where are the others?

Squall: Quistis is checking the students for injuries. Stephie is having everyone who's healed rebuild the garden.

Zell: And Irvine?

Squall: (...) He's dead.

To be continued.

Cloud: We're dead thanks to that idiot. Or at least floating in white space.

Tifa: We're destined for a life of desolation. Floating in the white abyss.

Cloud: Or we could just reset the game.

Barret: Good idea. Now how do we reset the game?

Everyone: (...)

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**Note - No Final Fantasy 7 Characters were harmed in the making of this story.**


	10. That is Why You Never Date Evil People

Chapter 10 – That is Why You Never Date Evil People

Zell: How did Irvine die?

Squall: Well it happened a few hours ago… (Fade to white)

Squall and Irvine were at a table in the cafeteria. Rinoa was in the cafeteria on the other side. Many students were around, eating the garden's hot dogs.

Squall: No one man. She's mine.

Irvine: 100 bucks man. If I get one date, I win.

Squall: One chance. That's it.

Irvine: Fine. I'm off.

Irvine got up from his seat. He walked over to Rinoa and said…

Irvine: Hey, listen, I know that we've known each other for a long time, and I think we should get to know each other better. What do you say?

Rinoa looked up, revealing her red eyes.

Rinoa: You know nothing about me.

At that moment, she levitated into the air and began casting a spell. In an instant, the garden began collapsing and Irvine was under a pile of rubble.

Squall: Damn, everyone run! The garden is going to be destroyed! (Fade to white)

Squall: He still owes me 100 bucks.

Zell: Wow, nice story. That is why you never date evil people.

Squall: Agreed. Now we should gather up the girls and talk about our plan.

Sometime later…

Squall: Well, this is so screwed. Rinoa is still casting the spell to destroy us, and we can't do anything but rebuild.

Zell: Maybe we can take her out.

Squall: No, she'd cast a spell, causing a big fiery explosion. That's what happened to the first set of students we set. Than she just turned the second set into frogs.

Quistis: Should we just sit back and wait for her to kill us?

Zell: Nah, if we wanted that to happen we would have just called Odin and have him kill us ourselves.

Stephie: I say shot her!

Quistis: With our dead sniper?

Squall: Maybe we could…gah…ah! (Faint)

Zell: (Faint)

To be continued…

Quistis: Squall. Zell? Wake up! Come on…damn. Get a shovel Stephie. We have some bodies to bury.

Stephie: Right!

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**One word - REVIEW!**


	11. In the Eyes of a Moron

Chapter 11 – In the Eyes of a Moron

Laguna, Kiros, and Ward were in the middle of the forest. They were soldiers in Galbadia's army and were on their way to a nearby outpost.

Laguna: Alright, so it's settled. We're lost.

Kiros: Yeah. No doubt about it.

Ward: So, what do we do?

Laguna: (…) I don't know. Let's just follow this road.

They ran for about 5 seconds. Trees were burning and some of the road was on fire.

Kiros: Look, there's a way out of here!

Laguna: What are we waiting for?

They ran for the exit, just to be ambushed by enemy solders.

Laguna: Take this!

Laguna takes his machine and shoots as many bullets as he could, most of which missing and shooting off into nowhere.

Kiros: I doubt this will get us anywhere. Anyway, we should run. Ward's been hit with about 20 bullets.

Ward: (cough) I can make it!

Laguna: Alright, retreat!

The three soldiers fled to an open area in the plains.

Laguna: Ward, you'll make it man.

Ward: No…I can see…the light!

Kiros: (…)

Laguna: This gives me one option. Mouth to mouth resuscitation!

Ward: No, wait…

Kiros: (…) Should have brought my camera.

Laguna: Alright, don't try to resist.

Ward: Stop, wait, what are you doing? It's unnecessary, stop…

Kiros: Why are you giving mouth to mouth when he was just shot in the leg and arm?

Laguna: I don't know…

Ward: Get off me!

Laguna: Alright. Alright. Here, I'll cast some curing spells on you.

Ward: Thanks…

Before Laguna could have begun to help his friend recover, enemy soldiers came out of the bushes and began to fire on them.

Laguna: You want some of this! Die!

Kiros: I got your back.

Ward: Ok fine. Just leave me here. Dying…on the cold hard floor...

Everything turns white.

Voice: Squall…wake up…

To be continued…

Squall: Huh, wha…what happened? And why am I in a hole in the ground with my head sticking out?

Stephie: Yay, you're alive! Well, now these graves we dug for you are useless.

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**Yes. Time for that time again. Review. Than wait for the next chapter of...this story.**


	12. Ellone Joined the Party! Yay!

Chapter 12 – Ellone Joined the Party! Yay!

Squall: Now that you guys buried us out of the hole, I should get back to what I was saying. Maybe we could find Irvine's body and revived him to help us save Rinoa.

A girl stepped out of the shadows. She had green ribbons on her arms.

Mysterious Girl: Hello, Squall. We meet again.

Squall: Right. Right. Elmo was it?

Ellone: It's Ellone, but close enough. Anyway, I think I know where Irvine's body is. It's buried in a pile of rubble in the cafeteria.

Squall: Yeah. We know. There's like 20 piles of rubble. Could you tell us which one specifically?

Ellone: The one that he died under?

Squall: Ugh. Alright, let's go dig up an old friend.

The process took a couple of days but they found and revived Irvine.

Squall: Good to have you back buddy. By the way, you owe me 100 bucks.

Irvine: Damn. Anyway, what happened while I was dead?

Zell: Well, after you flirted with Rinoa, she went off and started casting a spell that would kill us all. Nothing different than the usual, but we need your help to defeat her.

Irvine: So you want me to kill her?

Zell: Nah. Just take a couple of shots nearly missing her by a few inches. If she can't defend herself, we just kill her. If she can, we all get sniper rifles and take shots at her until her power drains away.

Squall: I agree except for the killing her part.

Ellone: Well, seems good. Let's do it.

Squall: I'm the leader of this party. I'll say whether or not we do it. Let's do it.

They met at a far distant from Rinoa.

Irvine: Oh god, I'm nevous. My hands are shaking. The sky is turning colors! What's happening to the world!

Squall: (slaps Irvine) Snap out of it!

Zell: (slaps Irvine)

Irvine: Why did you slap me?

Zell: I don't know. Just shoot her already.

Irvine: Fine.

Irvine took several shots at Rinoa, all nullified by the barrier that was placed in front of her. However, Rinoa's power dropped, and ran away.

Ellone: Alright, she ran off. Now I must tell you something. The only way to expel the evilness from her is to cast "dairy magic" on her. And even this had a chance of killing Rinoa herself...

To be continued…

Squall: When you say dairy magic…

Ellone: Actually, all it does is pour milk on her.

Squall: Ok, fine with me.


	13. An Evil Castle for an Evil Person

Chapter 13 – An Evil Castle for an Evil Person

Squall: After her!

The party dropped their sniper rifles and headed off toward the mountains. They went around the bend to find an evil mansion.

Quistis: Ok, let's see, we weakened her power and caused her power to drop and her evil spell to disappear. Then she ran away and built a mansion in one minute. That's pretty impressive.

Zell: Look!

Galbadia Garden appears from the side of the mountains. An army forms at the ground and begin rushing at Squall and friends.

Squall: Appears to be that they have formed an alliance with Rinoa.

Irvine: There's too many, we have to fall back!

Zell: Get the sniper rifles.

Squall: Alright, we'll split up. Three of us will be on sniper point shooting as many soldiers as they can. Two of us will get back to the garden and prepare our troops.

Irvine: I'll stay at the sniper point with Stephie and Zell.

Squall: Fine. Come on instructor, we have to get moving.

The two ants ran as fast as they could on the world map. Back at the sniper point…

Irvine: Let's see, green is 10 points, red is 5 points, and blue is 1 point. Headshots on any soldier gives double points.

Zell: Fine.

Irvine: 20 bucks.

Zell: ...fine...

Stephie: Any reason why we betting?

Irvine: I have to pay back Squall the 100 bucks, so I have to get some quick money. It's an easy win, because this guy can't aim.

Zell: I can shoot you, right here, right now.

Back at Balamb Garden…

Squall: Have our freshmen who have escaped in our fancy escape pods come back yet?

Xu: Well sir… (whisper, whisper, whisper)

Squall: Very well. (Microphone feedback) All men, report to the armory. Wait. What? We don't have an armory? How are we suppose to fight without an armory of swords, guns, and every other weapon and armor there is? Fine. Just report to the garage and we'll put on like some metal suits or something. (Microphone feedback)

Xu: Sir, are you sure that's wise?

Squall: It's the best that we can do. Besides, I always wanted a tin-men army. And I'll be right back. Something came up.

Quistis: Alright, assemble our students and have them meet at the battlefield in an hour. This time, it's personal…

To be continued…

Freshman 1: Good to be out of that pod.

Freshman 2: Yea, fresh air, light, and the sun. But somehow, this place looks familiar.

Squall comes from somewhere.

Squall: All freshmen who crashed into Balamb Garden, report to the battlefield for battle.

Freshmen: (…)

* * *

**Yay, this part's done. Review.**


	14. Another Bloody War After Another

Chapter 14 – Another Bloody War after Another

Squall: Alright, this is it my tin-men army, here they come!

An army came into sight. They're number is large enough for a few thousand. Irvine and Stephie arrive in from of them.

Irvine: Squall, we have to go in there. Zell couldn't escape.

Stephie: What happened was that they were shooting green guys and getting points for a bet, when for some reason some paratroopers came and started an assault. We were able to escape, but Zell decided that he would steal a machine and meet us back here. And we really, REALLY, doubt it.

Squall: Once again, Zell gets himself in trouble. Let him bail him out. He did it before.

Quistis: Alright, they're in range of a reckless charge. What are your orders?

Squall: (Send them in? No, too bloody. Retreat? No, that makes me a coward. Stay here? Yea…stay here. And I'll sneak around the back and let them die together. Yea and I'll go to Trabia Garden, change my name, grow a moustache, and learn to use another sword. And pretend this never happened. All's well that end's well.)

Irvine: Forget this! CHARGE!

All the students begin to charge, giving out battle cries and swinging their swords in the air. Galbadia soldiers wait as the large amount of students begin their assault.

Stephie: Wow, they're further than we thought.

Irvine: We have to join them, come on!

Quistis: For Balamb!

Stephie: For Trabia! Wait, where's Squall?

Everyone looks around as they search for their leader. Squall is actually just hiding in his fortified tower in the garden.

Squall: Yea, this is the life. Once all my students die, I'll sell this garden. I'll pretend all the red blood marks are just from a movie we did and never finished. Yeah, and than when I move to Trabia, I'll tell them that nothing is happening over here and the world won't end.

Irvine: We can't keep searching for him. Come on, let's fight.

Quistis: Alright, let's go!

The 3 ants moved on the world map toward the battlefield.

This war will determine the end of the world or the beginning of the calm. It all depends on our soldiers. And will Squall ever snap out of his crazy state?

To be continued…

Zell: Where are you taking me?

Spiky-haired blonde: Someplace you know well.

Zell: No, I don't want to go. No!

* * *

**Note to self. Make Squall less crazier.**


	15. The End of the Beginning

Chapter 15 – The End of the Beginning

Another bloody war arose. Balamb vs Galbadia. The story continues around the middle of the fight, when Balamb's forces are dropping in number.

Irvine: We can't hold off this army. We need help. We need Squall.

Stephie: Well we can't find him.

Quistis: Just keep up with our tactic.

Irvine: Our tactic of hitting any soldiers who come at us as hard as we can? Yea, that's really tactical and strategic.

Stephie: Just fight on.

The three battled on for what appeared to be days. They were able to advance to the last of Galbadia forces.

Irvine: Ok, just these last soldiers and we're done.

Spiky-Haired Blonde: Stay where you are. Or else your little friend here, (pulls big sword toward captive's neck) dies.

Stephie: Zell!

Zell: Yeah, sorry guys.

Spiky-Haired Blonde: We have some unfinished business with this guy. Don't dare follow us, or you'll pay. Into the abyss!

Both the spiky-haired blonde (let's face it, we all know it's Cloud.) and Zell are forced into a teleporter.

Stephie: We have to go in after him!

Irvine: No wait, he said that we'll pay. I suggest tossing in some grenades and hope they kill the spiky-haired guy (maybe Zell too) and go rescue the living Zell. If he's dead, I suggest we leave him there.

Quistis: Fine with me.

Irvine: Here goes nothing. (Chuck!)

An oddly dressed man comes out of the teleporter.

Stranger: You dropped this. (Holds out grenade)

Quistis: Ah!

Stephie: Back in you go. (Turns him around and shoves him into the teleporter)

Irvine: Ok, bad idea. Let's just follow him and hope that we live.

So the three jumped in and came out in a strange realm. (To be described next chapter) Will our adventurers survive? And how will they stop Rinoa? And why am I even asking these questions?

To be continued…

Zell: So while I'm being captive, can I have some hot dogs?

Cloud: No.

Zell: Maybe some bacon?

Cloud: No.

Zell: (Twice as fast as you normally talk) Not even some sausages or maybe the wieners that you find in the market next to the pork and lamb chops that are always good with…

Cloud: No! Now shut up! God!

* * *

**Note - Zell is never this annoying in the game, and is not being captured a lot for no reason. I capture him for funny reasons.**


	16. CrossRealm Trip

**Posted up in night. I'm so tired. But I'm staying up laughing.**

* * *

Chapter 16 – Cross-Realm Trip

Quistis, Stephie, and Irvine stepped through the teleporter to find themselves in a slummy area. There was a pipe to their left, and several houses (If you consider 4 badly built walls and a roof with no shape a house.) on their right. The party walked straight past several more houses, to suddenly be in a peaceful environment. Light shined upon them, and glorious trees were ahead of them and a beautiful house just in front of them (well not that beautiful like you find at the beaches and such but it's better than the crud houses they saw earlier.)

Irvine: Whoa, road trip.

Cloud: Hey dimwits, look up here. I got your friend here.

The party continues to enjoy the scenery.

Quistis: These flowers are so mystical.

Stephie: Those trees. The way it's arranged. Like a forest in your backyard.

Irvine: The wood from these trees could make such a strong gun, it could knock an elephant out.

Cloud: HEY! YOU GUYS EVEN CARING ABOUT YOUR FRIEND HERE? HE COULD DIE!

Irvine looks up.

Irvine: Yea, hurry it up and kill him please? We can't kill him ourselves because he keeps running away.

Several veins bulked out on Cloud's forehead.

Cloud: Fine, I'll just cut off his arms and give the hostage back!

Zell: No thanks, I already had my arms cut off for one adventure already.

Irvine: Do it. Make's him more fun to kill.

Just like that, Cloud chopped off Zell's arms with a swing of a blade. Zell's screams could be heard for miles, but the party didn't care.

Cloud: Here, you have the idiot back. I guess I could hang these arms on my fireplace or something. Hope we don't see you again!

Irvine: Mission accomplished. Now let's go home.

A girl comes out of the house in a pink dress.

Girl: Don't go yet. I got biscuits.

Stephie: No thanks.

Girl: No one ever does.

They headed back through the teleporter to their world and now the battle continues.

To be continued.

Zell: Hello? Guys? Come back. I don't have arms. Can't stand up. No one going to help me get back up? This is NOT funny guys. Guys…help armless Zell up. Man. Hey you there. Yea you, don't look at me like that. Help me up! No, no, don't walk away! God, come back. Oh you there. Give a guy a hand and help him up. No, don't go away. Someone help me! Gah!

* * *

**Big Question : Should Zell get his arms back?**


	17. Squall's Back

Chapter 17 – Squall's back

The party came back to find themselves in their own world. Zell was dragging himself through the teleporter without his arms.

Squall: Finally. We have to ambush the mansion now, while Rinoa is resting.

Irvine: Alright. But we should hurry before Zell catches up with us.

Zell: I'm almost there. Just wait.

The party left without him. Zell was speechless.

Squall: Ok, we're here. Wait, there's something up there in the window. Where I'm pointing. And this is where you guys look.

Irvine: This wood is amazing.

Stephie: The arrangement of the porch, it's magical.

Quistis: Wow, and Rinoa built this in one minute.

Squall walks over to them and turns each one of their heads up. There they saw something fly out of the mansion. From what they figured out, it was a gargoyle. It landed in front of them.

Gargoyle: Hello strangers. What brings you to my home?

Squall: Wait, this isn't Rinoa's mansion?

Gargoyle: What? I'm not Rinoa. Oh…if you mean the other castle over there, (points behind his mansion to reveal another mansion that's spookier than the one they're at) then there's your Rinoa.

Stephie: Thanks. Wait, why were Galbadia defending your mansion than?

Gargoyle: I don't know. Well, please come in. I have cookies and milk.

Irvine: COOKIES AND MILK! (and he rushes in)

Squall: Sigh, alright, we'll have some cookies and milk.

The party walked in to find themselves ambushed by many upon many of Galbadia soldiers. (Green uniforms) They all had guns with lasers pointing at them.

Gargoyle: Oh, did I forget to mention that I had guests?

Squall: Did I forget to mention how I enjoy killing hosts?

Soldier: Shut up. And give me your plate of cookies.

Squall: What? Wait, let me try one…

Soldier: No, that's Galbadia property, now hand it over or be shot.

Squall: (Shrug) Ok.

Squall gives the cookies to the soldier. The soldier gobbles them all up quickly.

Soldier: Oh, oh, so good, munch, munch, munch. Give me yours. Chomp, chomp, chomp, and oh man, oh man. Pass the milk please. Gulp, gulp, gulp. Ah. Ok, I'm fine. I'm fine. You're free to go. Don't eat any cookies now.

The party walked out.

Irvine: Aw, that sucked. I didn't get any cookies.

Quistis: No time for snacks. Time to siege Rinoa's spookier castle.

To be continued…

Zell is dragging on the ground.

Zell: Must, get, over, to mansion. Almost there, sigh, this is so hard without my arms. I don't know how I walked in Chapter 3. Oh yea, I stood up and never fell down again! Must go on.

Soldier: Hey, look, it's really an armless student. Laugh with me guys. Hahahahahaha.

* * *

**Please don't laugh at armless people, it's not nice. In this case, it's Zell. That's the only exception!**


	18. Charge!

Chapter 18 – CHARGE!

The party went on the porch. It was dark and creaky, unlike the last mansion.

Squall: Did she build this in one minute?

Quistis: Probably not. We looked over from the plains into the mountains and saw the mansion, assuming it was hers. She could have built this in one minute, or a few hours.

Irvine: Alright let's go in.

Irvine kicks the front door down and holds up his gun.

Irvine: I am hungry for some ACTION!

In front of him was a monster.

Monster: Greetings, welcome to evil Rinoa's castle. I am Sphinxaur. I will now lock your abilities to make your lives miserable.

Sphinxaur: If you have noticed, your abilities are of no use. You must unseal the guardians from all corners of the castle.

Squall: Fine. What does that make you?

Sphinxaur: Help. I am not here to fight. Even if I always get beat up in the regular game. Now go. There's no sidequests to do here.

Squall: Ok, we should split up. It'll make this easier.

The four separated, each taking a different door.

Sphinxaur: By the way, the door locks when you go in so there's no heading back.

Squall: Does all the doors lock when you walk into them?

Sphinxaur: Yea. That's why the bathrooms here suck.

The party stepped through their doors. Few moments after, the door slams, and the party are separated.

Sphinxaur: Oh, I forgot to tell them that the guardians don't like being unsealed and tend to be hostile, violent, and merciless against their saviors and will destroy them at any means. Eh, they'll figure it out.

To be continued…

Zell: Thanks for helping me up.

Soldier: No problem.

Zell: Off I go!

He trips.

Zell: Ow…help me up again?

Soldier: Wow, he tripped. Everyone, laugh with me. Hahahahaha.


	19. The Funhouse, Squall

Chapter 19– The Funhouse - Squall

Each person took a path of their own. Squall is in a hall.

Squall: Man, it's so narrow. (As he takes a step, a switch on the floor is pressed) Uh oh.

In another room past a wall, another person is screaming.

Squall: Ok, that doesn't sound good. I should just hurry along and hope that I can unseal the guardian.

Walking along, Squall notices some inscriptions on the wall.

Squall: Says here, "Eat at Joe's." Wow. I'm going to eat at Joe's because I read it in a spooky mansion which no one visits. Oh? A red rock. I better bring this with me.

Continuing alone, Squall encounters some creatures. Making quick work of them, he continues along, picking up many oddly colored rocks until he came upon a room with many holes.

Squall: Says, "Red, blue, green, all colors that you need. Place them in their slots, but beware the monster lots." Lots? Lots? Well, least this shouldn't be hard.

He continued walking along to find himself in a hall of monsters. 3 holes are on each side of the hall.

Squall: This will be easy. Ultima!

Sparks shot out of his hand.

Squall: Firaga!

Sparks shot out of his hand.

Squall: Thunder?

Sparks shot out of his hand.

Squall: Alright than, I cast Sparks!

Sparks shot out of his hand.

Squall: Hehehe, this is fun.

All the monsters charged at Squall, only to be burned by the sparks shooting out of his hand.

Squall: Sparks! Sparks! Sparks! Sparks!

Squall was able to put all the rocks in their slots and was able to put the beasts to rest. The door in the back opened, revealing a vase.

Squall: What am I suppose to do, smash this? Eh, it's hammer time! Or…it's smashing time!

At the moment he destroyed the vase with a swing of his blade, the room quickly lit up, blinding Squall. When the light died, Squall was standing in front of a magical creature. Its body was made out of water, and appeared to be jiggly like jelly.

Creature: Who has rescued me?

Squall: I did.

Creature: Well than you shall die for I liked that prison! It had air-conditioning, water, heat, and a fridge! You know how little vases have that? It's like a once-in-a-lifetime chance of getting it. For this, you shall pay.

Squall: (…) Sparks! Sparks! Sparks! Sparks! Sparks!

At that moment, many sparkles flow from Squall's hand into the creature which caught on fire.

Creature: I'm liquefying. Liquefying I say! Liquefying! Ah…

Squall: Don't you mean melting?

Creature: No, I used that last time I melted away, and it became so dull. Oh wait, where was I? Oh yes. Ah, what a world!

All that was left was a puddle of bubbles. Hehehe. Oh, and Squall took the door where the vase was and went on to meet the rest of the party.

To be continued…

Squall: Sparks!

Sparks shot out of his hands.

Squall: Hehehe.

* * *

**Weak joke, yea, but I can't think of anything to do while their powers are sealed. I'll come up with something better :P**


	20. The Funhouse, Irvine

Chapter 20 – The Funhouse - Irvine

Irvine entered the dark hall. There were all these small holes on the left and right of him.

Irvine: Man, these better not be any switches I step on. Then I'll have to go into Indiana Jones Mode.

In another room past the wall on his right, he heard an "Oops." Arrows begun to fire from the holes. One arrow hit Irvine chest, causing him to let out a big "Ow!" Like in those Indian Jones movies that you like, Irvine goes all running, going matrix style whenever necessary. Finally, he was out of the arrow-maze.

Irvine: Ouch…arrow in my chest. I'd take it out, but actually…it looks kinda cool. Look at me! I got an arrow in my chest. Where's your arrow? Yea, but it's not in your chest. Heh, alright. Too bad this distracts the chick's attention. Eh.

Irvine continued along some of the narrow paths. He heard some slashing in the over room, and saw some light under the walls. Under the walls? Did I forget to mention that all the walls are a few inches from the ground? Well they are. Anyway, Irvine went a big hall. (like 10 ft big) It appeared to be a dead end. After several minutes of investigating, he realized there was an inscription on the wall.

Irvine: Hm, "Push here for what you're looking for." I'm looking for chicks, so I'm guessing this leads to Rinoa. Rinoa, beautiful, here I come!

He pressed the button. The wall lifted up, revealing a vase.

Irvine: (0.o) Hey, there's no beautiful chicks here. Eh, might as well use this as shooting practice.

After several shots that missed, he finally got the vase. The room lit up, and Irvine heard the words,"I'm blind!" to his right. However, after the light faded, there was a creature in front of him. It was a strange creature, having many legs and a green body. The back lifted up and showed its blue eyes. The front had a big red stinger.

Creature: You murder, you killed Caterchipiller!

Irvine: What are you talking about?

The creature lifted up its arm (or leg, thing) and pointed to a dead caterpillar in the corner.

Creature: My friend. You shot him. That I must get revenge.

Irvine: (…) Say goodnight.

At that moment, Irvine loaded Pulse Ammo, one of the strongest and most dangerous ammo there is, into his gun. He shot it, unleashing an explosion so strong that Irvine was flung back couple yards. Yea, normal shots don't fling you back at all. Going back to the vase, he saw that the creature became a smoldering pile of ashes. At that point, he continued to walk on, past the vase to regroup with his allies.

To be continued…

Stephie: What's that arrow doing in your chest?

Irvine: I got hit, and I survived. You like?

Stephie: Yes. But how did it happen?

Squall: (…)

* * *

**Alternate ending.**

To be continued...

Stephie:What's that arrow doing in your chest?

Irvine:I got hit and I survived. You like?

Stephie: Yea. It makes you looktough.

Irvine: Hehehe. (This arrow can sure pick up the chicks.)

**Note - Arrows do not make you look tough, and if you ever do get one in your chest, you're most likely to die.**


	21. The Funhouse, Stephie

Chapter 21 – The Funhouse, Stephie

Stephie walked in the hallway alone. It appeared that hallways were one of Rinoa's favorite things to place in these mazes.

Stephie: Too many dead-ends. Hmm? Is that Irvine?

She peeked through two of the holes in the wall to see Irvine pressing a button which opened the wall in front of him revealing a vase.

Irvine: (0.o) Hey, there's no beautiful chicks here. Eh, might as well use this as shooting practice.

Stephie: Beautiful chicks? What does that mean? I am so beautiful. Why I outta…

Irvine shot the vase after several missed shots. The vase exploded, light piercing through the holes that Stephie was looking through.

Stephie: (holding eyes with both hands) I'm blind!

After several minutes of recovering, Stephie looked back in.

Stephie: That bastard. He's gone. I should get going before they wait for me.

The girl ran for several minutes. Eventually, she stopped and just gave up.

Stephie: There's nothing here. No vase, no nothing!

She slammed the wall. It was pushed in, revealing to be made out of paper. Running in, Stephie found the vase.

Stephie: YES! Ah yea, I'm good. I'm good. Alright, now what do I do…I guess I'll rub it and hope a genie comes out. (rub, rub, rub) Nothing. Man, I wish Irvine was here. I said I WISHED IRVINE WAS HERE. Damn, this lamp sucks. No genie. Well I guess I'll smash it.

Holding the vase with one hand and lifting it in the air, Stephie destroyed the vase with one thrust of the arm. Actually, several. The vase was tougher than the other ones and apparently didn't want to break.

Stephie: Break DAMN IT! (picks it up again and throws it, cracking it) YES! Now, I wish Irvine loved me. I said, I WISH IRVINE LOVED ME. This thing still sucks.

After another toss, the vase broke, revealing a genie like creature.

Creature: Yawn, sorry, I was tired. What happened?

Stephie: Do I get wishes because I freed you?

Creature: I'll give you one wish. And I already have a feeling what it is.

Stephie: Alright, I wish Irvine loved me.

Creature: Yawn, alright it's done.

Stephie: But you didn't do anything.

Creature: I'm so powerful, my yawns are magic. Now if you excuse me, I'm off to the Bahamas. (magically get 2 briefcases in hands and float away)

Stephie: Alright, bye! Oh, I better hurry and catch up with the rest of the party.

So she did. And the young teenage found an arrow in Irvine's chest. One more person's story left. And, as usual…

To be continued…

Stephie: Wow, the arrow makes him seem so tough and rugged. This is like a dream come true! But I remember he got hit by more arrows. Eh, one's good enough. What's that arrow doing in your chest?

Irvine: I got hit and I survived. You like?

Stephie: Yea. It makes you look tough.

Irvine: Hehehe.

* * *

**Can anyone give Stephie a crossbow? Irvine should look tougher.**


	22. The Funhouse, Quistis

Chapter 22 – The Funhouse – Quistis

Quistis: This maze is driving me crazy. Well, while I'm here…

Crack, snap, whack. (Quistis was NOT here.)

Quistis: Alright. Now to find my way out of here.

The instructor continued on for some time. After many, many, dead ends, she stopped.

Quistis: There's no way out of here! Wait, there's a piece of paper on the wall. "Do not press button." Ok, first off, that makes me sooo want to press it. Two, where is this button? Oh here it is. (press, causing door to close beneath her) This, isn't, good. Ah!

After falling several 100 feet…

Quistis: Talking about endless holes.

After falling several 100 feet…

Quistis: Really, endless, holes.

After falling several 300 feet…

Quistis: Wee, back flips! Wee, front flips!

After falling several 20 feet…

Quistis: Wee, reversal double-axel back flips!

After several flips…

Quistis: Ok I'm bored. And I'm dizzy from the flips. Screw it, I'll just whip my whip around. (crack, grabbing a branch that hit Quistis several times) Yay. Now to just, climb, up.

After climbing up, Quistis found a secret passage. There were 2 doors she could have gone into.

Quistis: When in doubt, go left.

Going left, she found herself in a room full of mirrors. (What, it's a FUNHOUSE. I should put something that's FUN!)

Quistis: Ok, I am officially lost.

Reflection of Quistis: I can help. Just go down that way, and turn right.

Quistis: Thanks reflection of myself. By the way, have I gone crazy?

Reflection of Quistis: Nah, reflections could have always talked. But you never listened. By the way, I don't like it when you pose in the mirror with…

Quistis: Ok, I'll be on my way.

Reflection of Quistis: No wait, we have so much in common! Like our favorite color! And flipping in the air! I know you like that!

After going into a dark room…

Quistis: Time to break this vase. Ow. Stupid wall. Ok, there should be a light switch somewhere. Whoops, I tripped. (vase breaks) Found it.

The room flashed, and slightly dimmed. Quistis found herself confronting a flame creature.

Creature: Ow, my head, what happened?

Quistis: I broke your vase.

Creature: Than you shall burn!

Quistis caught on flame. After realizing what happened, she jumped in the air, began to do flips, and started blurting out random flip names. The creature and the flame went out.

Quistis: Ok, time to leave and join up with the party. Ow, wall. Ow, wall. Ok, let's see. Oh here we go. (runs down hall) Ow, wall. Oh hey guys.

Squall: About time. Now all the vases are destroyed, we can use our magic. But…Sparks!

Sparks shot out of his hand.

Squall: Hehehe…alright, time to siege Rinoa's room. Ellone said that she'd cast the dairy magic on Rinoa when the time's right.

Ellone: That's right.

Quistis: Where did you come from?

Ellone: I took the backdoor. Well anyway, let's do this! Before the world is destroyed!

To be continued…

Ellone: By the way, I brought Zell with us and regenerated his arms.

Zell: Hey guys.

Squall: Damn…Zell, watch out behind you! (chop, chop)

Zell: OW! MY ARMS! What the hell?

Squall: Stupid armless Zell.

* * *

Quistis: Someone chuck me in the air.

Irvine: Er..(chuck!)

Quistis: Wee! Triple reverse double backward front flips!


	23. Final Decision

Chapter 23 – Final Decision

Squall: Let's go.

The party rushed into the room. In front of them lied 5 doors.

Squall: Let me handle this.

He heads to the leftmost one. Squall kicks it open and says…

Squall: Alright, Rinoa, show yourself!

Empty.

Squall kicks open the left-middle door and says…

Squall: Alright, I thirst for blood today!

Little rat family.

Squall kicks open the middle door and says…

Squall: It is I, Squall, the evil person hunter.

Empty.

Squall kicks the right-middle one and says…

Squall: Anyone in here?

Rinoa stood there in evil clothes, blinking.

Squall: Ok…this is akward. Normally, the boss is behind the final door. Screw you clone, I'm skipping to the end! (leaves) (slam, faint voice in distance) Time to die Rinoa! (Squall comes back) Ok, there was nothing but treasure chests. Oh well.

Rinoa: Well, you have made quite a trip to get here. But this is the end of the road. Actually, the end of the mansion, so you have to fight me here.

Quistis: Why are you trying to destroy the world?

Rinoa: Because I'm EVIL! That's enough reason.

Irvine: Eh, it's true.

Squall: Alright, charge!

Everyone ran toward Rinoa, with Squall saying random things, only to have Rinoa vanish. Rinoa reappeared behind them, saying a few words under a breath, shutting all the doors, windows, and trapdoors with a huge slam.

Zell: Ah! Man. Guys, I'm locked out. (hits wall with foot several times) Come on, let me in. I want to fight too.

Squall: Sorry Zell. Looks like you sit out this time. Alright guys, let's do this.

Squall ran toward Rinoa. She ducked, and than leaped away, casting a spell on Squall that made him immovable. Irvine began taking shots on her. A shield appeared before the bullets could reach Rinoa, and quickly expanded, knocking over everyone else.

Squall: Silence!

The evil spell caster merely laughed.

Rinoa: That won't work.

Ellone: Squall, we have to quickly knock her out!

Squall: Sparks!

Sparks shot out of Squall's hand, quickly burning toward Rinoa. She quickly blew out all the flames with one breathe. Irvine began loaded a few Pulse ammo into his gun and shot it. It completely missed, going into the back of the mansion and creating an explosion that knocked over Rinoa and the party. At that point, the mansion was beginning to crumble as random stuff began falling from the ceiling.

Ellone: Alright than. I call upon my magic, and cast Rain of the Heavens!

At that moment, milk had begun pouring from the sky (or the ceiling in this case) and dropped onto everyone. Rinoa was the only one flinching from the dairy.

Rinoa: It burns! I must…go back…I'll be back, you hear me! Back!

A dark spirit rose from Rinoa's body and went toward the wall. However, the party could hear a pound on the wall as the spirit was rejected by the wall.

Spirit: Oh yea, I can't pass through walls. I guess I'll go through the roof.

And the spirit vanished. The party gathered together, looking at Rinoa. The young woman woke up.

Rinoa: Wha…happened? AH-CHOO! Why is this room filled with dairy magic?

Ellone: Oops. (flushing sound, the milk level decreases to the amount of a puddle) Alright. Now how you feeling?

Rinoa: Fine, except for this cold. And the thought of why am I wearing evil clothes?

Squall: You went evil, destroyed the garden, built a mansion, and turned up here. The usual basically.

Rinoa: Glad that's over.

There was a ring from Squall's pocket. He pulled out what appeared to be a text-machine and flipped it open. After a few moments, he put it back in his pocket.

Squall: Ok, Ellone, you know a "Laguna?"

Ellone: Yeah, he's in Esther, why?

Squall: Appears to be that he became evil, got red eyes, and begun to siege Esther. Unfortunately, the spirit seems to have possessed him and Galbadia has joined him in his quest for world domination.

Stephie: Yay, road trip! Let's take the train!

Quistis: Is that your first line since the beginning of the chapter?

Stephie: I guess so. Well, time's a wasting.

**The fantasy, does NOT, end there.**

**To, be, continued!**

Zell: Open up! I want to hear what's happening!

Squall: Shut up! It's hard to whisper without you knocking!

Ellone: Should I give him his arms back to use the doorknobs?

Squall: Nah, I'll just cut it off again.

* * *

**VERY DRAMATIC PAUSE.**


	24. Season 2! Or Something

**Ok, time for Season 2! (big slamming letters fall onto screen) Ok, that's all I got.

* * *

**

Chapter 24 – Riding in a Fancy Airship named Ragnorak

Stephie: Aw, we couldn't take the train?

Squall: No, tickets these days are expensive, and we blew all our money on getting arms for Zell that can be reattached after we cut them.

Zell: Maybe if you stop chopping off my arms…

Squall: Now where's the fun in that? (chop, chop)

Zell: Ouch. Ok, let's see, left arm goes into left shoulder, right arm goes into right shoulder.

Irvine: Hey, I think you messed up. You have two left arms!

Zell: Where's my back-up set?

Quistis: I don't know. (hiding two right arms behind back)

Stephie: Alright, so where are we?

Squall: Says here…we're at lost.

Irvine: Wait, let me see. The map button is not working. It says that we ARE lost, not at lost. Lost is on the other side of the world.

Squall: Right, how can I be so stupid? Hmm? (pulls out text-message machine) "Dear Squall, this is costing me 5 gil a letter so I'll be breifish. Apparently, Laguna has finished seizing the city and has begun a quest for world domination. His first location is Dollet…"

Zell: Dollet? Let's go! I heard they an all-you-can-eat-buffet with hot dogs!

Quistis: We don't even know where we are, how are we suppose to go to Dollet?

Zell: Set the ship to light-speed and go in one random direction!

Squall: Shush, there's more. "If you plan to stop him, we must expel the spirit and quickly banish it back to its own realm." Wow, sounds fun. "Dollet will be conquered in no less than a few days. Hurry! -Your friend, Kiros. P.S. You owe me 145 gil for this P.S."

Irvine: Well what are we waiting for? Light speed it is!

Stephie: Roger! (pushes random button, causing the ship's engine to stop)

Zell: No, no, turn it back on!

Stephie: (…) Ok. Light speed it is! (pushes random button, quickly sending our party to the distant area)

Squall: Damn. Watch out for those trees! And that bird! (splat) Scrap it off, scrap it off! Hurry! Good, now get your eyes on the land, OH MY GOD, DON'T HIT THOSE MOUNTAINS! Oh no, let's get out of here, women and children last!

Crash!

Squall: Ok, I guess we're going on foot for now.

And so our travelers went, searching the world for Dollet. Zell never did find his right arms, and despite the party's effort to find them, it was all for nothing.

Some time earlier...

Quistis: Darn, they'll find these arms soon.

(flushing noise) Do-do-do-do-do.


	25. The Loch Ness Monster!

Chapter 25 – The Loch Ness Monster! (Not Really)

Zell: So, where are we?

Squall: I don't know. There's a lot of forests here. And we just jumped from mountain to plains.

Zell: Hey, there's a lake! Let's go fishing, I'm starving for fish.

Rinoa: This place seems familiar. We're at Obel Lake! We are near Timber. Maybe we can get Watts and the others can help.

Quistis: Alright, but we better hurry before… (**someone screaming 'yahoo' in distance**) Zell jumps in the lake.

Squall: (**hums a merry song about Zell dying**)

Irvine: Hm? Something's coming up!

At that moment, a black shadow rose to the surface. It was submerged, and did not come out.

Monster: Hello!

Irvine: Wow, this is one big fish! Guys, we are eating tonight!

Monster: No, wait, I come in peace. I'm only a big scary monster that gives you quests. Anyway, my friend, Mr. Monkey, is off in a forest somewhere. Somewhere around Dollet and somewhere around the train track. Could you find him and see how he's doing?

Stephie: Sure, and while we're at it, we'll say that you said hi!

Monster: Actually, it's hello and I'm not sure if he's understand if...

Stephie: So it's settled. Take the train from Timber, go to the forest, help Mr. Monkey, and save Dollet!

Monster: Alright, I'm done here. And now, I'm off. (**shadow disappears, than reappears**) I think this belongs to you. (**tosses Zell onto land, than disappears**)

Zell: Hey look! I found my two right arms!

Quistis: So that's where our…mess goes when we flush. Straight off the ship.

Rinoa: Let's go to Timber! Squall, you coming?

Squall: (**Throws rocks into water**) Stupid rocks, can't skip.

Irvine: He'll come sooner or later.

After hours of rock throwing and screaming for a rock to skip…

Rinoa: Don't take it so hard. It's just like that.

Squall: One day, one day…

At Timber...and the Timber Owl's HQ...

Rinoa: I'm home!

Watts: Oh crap, it's the she-devil! Everyone run!

Rinoa: Shut up Watts. We need tickets to Dollet.

Watts: Oh sure. (slaps random people) Give me your Dollet tickets.

The people around him grumble and give him their tickets.

Watts: We should get going, the train's going to depart soon. Rinoa, wait. I need to talk to you, friend to friend.

Rinoa: What is it?

Watts: Zone's been kidnapped. He was heading to Dollet to fish for Fastitocalons when he got captured by the Galbadia army. I was able to get away, and by this wanted poster on my left and right here, you can tell that they're looking for me.

To be continued…

Rinoa: Hm, how much gil they want you for?

Watts: Around 1,000,000. Why?

Rinoa: Watch out in front of you! (**knocks him out**) Ok, you're coming with me.


	26. Return of the Moron

Chapter 26 – Return of the Moron

Rinoa: Woo, we made the train just in time.

Ellone: It's nice of you to give me an extra ticket.

Rinoa: It's nothing. After all, I did make some extra money before we got here.

Irvine: How? We just saw you pulling some guy into a building.

Ellone: It doesn't matter. Anyway, I came with you guys for a reason.

Squall: And that is…

Ellone: Squall, if you want to beat Laguna, you need to know his life, and I'll show it to you.

Squall: So I'll be… (**faint**)

Ellone: Alright, who wants to go with him?

Stephie: I volunteer Zell.

Zell: Wait, don't I ge… (**faint**)

Ellone: Alright, one more.

Stephie: I volunteer…

Ellone: I'll send you, since you enjoy volunteering.

Stephie: Well that seems… (**faint**)

Ellone: Ok, let's if there's a lake we can dump them in.

(**really, really, brief flash**)

Laguna: Let me out of this jail! I have a wife and a child! Let me go! Come on!

Prisoner Next Door: Yeah, shut him up!

Biggs: We got solutions for people like him. (**casts silence, huge talk bubble with … appears**)

Wedge: Something wrong sir?

Biggs: No. Just giving this prisoner what he deserves. (**Casts blind, poison, berserk, confuse, and sleep on Laguna. Many things are on top of his head.**)

Wedge: Was that necessary sir?

Biggs: No. I'm just bored from guarding this desert prison all day.

Several days passed. Laguna was tortured using random status effects. Than one day…

Prisoner Next Door: Prison Break! (**all doors fling open**)

Laguna: This is the chance to escape.

Laguna ran down several stairs with the rest of the prisoners. He met up with Kiros who had Laguna's favorite machine gun.

Kiros: Here you go man.

Laguna: Thanks. Where's Ward?

Kiros: He died. Remember? 20 bullets in the leg, you tried to give him CPR?

Laguna: Oh yea…that was troublesome.

They were able to escape, when they found Biggs and Wedge out in the desert.

Biggs: Well, I guess this is the end for us.

Wedge: Yeah, I guess so.

Kiros: You guys want to travel with us?

Biggs: Not after what you did to us. I was demoted, and Wedge here got kicked out of the army.

Wedge: You got kicked out too… (**smack**) but they don't need to know that.

Biggs: We'll stay here. But text us if you need us. (**gives fancy text message machine to both Laguna and Kiros**) We still have a desire to kill and live.

Wedge: You do, but I don't.

Biggs: What?

Wedge: I don't, sir!

Biggs: Alright, much better.

(**really, really, big flash**)

Squall: Ow. My head. Oh look, the lake. Wait, I'm in a bag. What's going on?

Ellone: Crud, they're awake. Switch to plan B! (**knocks Squall out**) Alright, stuff him in our luggage!

Rinoa: We don't have any luggage.

Ellone: Now what?

To be continued…


	27. Monkey See, Monkey Kill

Chapter 27 – Monkey See, Monkey Kill

Squall: I am never, ever, going into the dream world again. You guys keep trying to bury me!

Rinoa: Sorry, we thought you were dead.

Zell: Why did you throw me off first?

Ellone: Because you're the easiest out of the rest, Mr. No Arms

Irvine: The train's stopping.

Stephie: Aw. That was short.

Quistis: Ok, let's head into the forest and find Mr. Monkey.

After several hours of walking in the forest…

Zell: Damn it, we're lost! Oh god, we're not going to survive! Now we'll have to resort to cannibalism to survive!

Irvine: Snap out of it! (**smack**) We'll make it through the night. (**smack**) Now let's set up camp for the night.

Rinoa: (**smack**)

Zell: What was that for?

Rinoa: It looked fun.

That night…

Quistis: Was it right sending Zell out into the woods alone?

Stephie: No. But than, Zell's not right himself. (**rustle in bushes**) What was that?

Irvine: Let's not wait to find out. (**bang, animal falls down**) Wow. Guys, we're having Fungaur! Who wants mushroom?

Squall: Yuck. Anyway, we should rest for the night.

Voice: Hey, what are you doing in my forest?

Stephie: What are you doing owning this forest? Who are you?

Voice: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Mr. Monkey. Now, why are you here?

Squall: Uh…the monster from the lake wanted to say hello.

Mr. Monkey: I don't trust you. What is his name?

Quistis: Name? He didn't give us a name.

Mr. Monkey: Than you shall die! My army, attack!

At that moment, hundreds of yellow-green apes came out of the forest and stared at the party.

Rinoa: Damn, Wendigos. This is going to be trouble.

Irvine: We have to fight. Their pelt shall be the rug for my living room!

Quistis: You don't have a house, let alone a living room.

Irvine: Shut up, I'm trying to be cool.

Will our party survive?

To be continued…

Zell: It sure is dark…maybe I should head back.

A Wendigo came out of the dark.

Zell: Food! All to me! (**leaps to Wendigo, only to be punched and dragged away**) Wait, where you taking me? I'm too young to die like this. Actually, no one should die like this. But I don't want to be the one to die!

Wendigo: Grunt, grunt, gruff, grunt.

Zell: Unless that means something along the lines of, let's leave the boy here, I don't care!


	28. Game Over?

Chapter 28 – Game Over?

Squall: This is it. Give it all you got!

Quistis: Watch out behind you!

Squall swings his sword around him, hitting a Wendigo and Quistis.

Squall: Whoops. Don't worry, as long as you stop your guts from coming out, you're fine.

Rinoa: Take this! (**shoots pinwheel**)

Irvine: Rinoa, behind you, a Wendigo! (**cocks shotgun**)

Rinoa: Ah!

Irvine: Take this you hairier version of man! (**blast! kaboom!**)

Rinoa: Thanks. But now I'm covered in blood.

Squall: Ha! (**swings blade at a Wendigo, it dodges, and counters with a punch**) Ow, my liver!

Quistis: I doubt you're liver is around your back.

Squall: Brain, Liver, whatever!

Stephie: Ahhhhh! (**runs away from Wendigo she was fighting**)

Irvine: Eh? (**kaboom!**)

Stephie: Whoo, that was close.

Squall: They're closing in. Bahamut, come on out! I'm waiting…stupid. I am so compatible with Bahamut. Bar, go faster! It's been like 10 minutes! God! Ah! Screw it, attack!

Rinoa: Angelo, rush! Angelo? Angelo? Where are you?

Stephie: Didn't Seifer kick him and your dog ran away?

Irvine: Yeah, and the rest of us watched it run away. I even got it on film.

Rinoa: You guys are evil! Evil! What am I suppose to do without Angelo?

Quistis: Get another dog? Maybe a golden retriever?

Rinoa: I'll think about it. Now let's kick monkey butt!

Squall: Ragh! (**charge at enemy screaming at top of lungs**)

All the Wendigos charge at Squall.

Squall: Ragh!

Wendigo: (gibberish)

Squall: Ragh!

Wendigo: (gibberish)

Squall: Ragh!

A Wendigo squeezes Squall into a ball.

Irvine: This doesn't look good.

Rinoa: Yea. Pass me the popcorn. Looks like the blue team are going to win.

Wendigo: Grunt, grunt!

Another Wendigo passes Squall to him. Slam dunk!

Squall: Ow! 2 points!

Irvine: Now they're heading for us. This isn't good.

A Wendigo tosses Squall to the party, knocking them down and causing odd bowling noises to occur.

Rinoa: No! All hope is lost…

Game Over! Insert coins 0/1.

To be continued?

Vinson: Crud. I'm out of coins.

Kira: Me too. How are we suppose to find out what happens to Zell?

Vinson: Let's go ask Stephanie.

Kira: Right behind you.

Few moments later…the screen flickers back on.

Squall: Are they gone?

Rinoa: Yeah.

Irvine: Alright. Let's go see how Zell's doing.

* * *

**No, the story isn't over. Kira(Enthusiastically Apathetic) and Stephanie(Starpup) both agreed to be in my story. Ok, even if Stephanie didn't agree, she's still in there.**


	29. Press Start

Chapter 29 – Press Start

Vinson: Alright Kira, let's start this adventure again. I'll get Zell.

Kira: To hell with that! Move over. I'm taking Irvine too.

Vinson: Darn. You get all the good people.

Kira: You get Squall and Rinoa! They're an awesome couple. Now let's just start this.

Vinson: Fine…grumble grumble.

After some time of repeating the adventure…

Mr. Monkey: I am defeated! That's cheap. Stupid Bahamut.

Rinoa: Told you to wait.

Squall: Shut it. Alright. We'll be taking our reward now.

Mr. Monkey: Fine. Here.

Irvine: What? It's a potion.

Mr. Monkey: It's all you get for getting a scratch on you.

Irvine: Fine. But where's Zell?

At some random cave…

Zell: Ok guys, I'm tied to a stick. This is not something that people gloat about!

Wendigo: Grunt, grunt, grunt.

Zell: What? Oh look a fire. With some sticks on the side that holds one stick up. Wait…this doesn't look good. I hate barbeques!

At the party…

Squall: Tell us where he is!

Mr. Monkey: I don't know. Maybe in that cave up on that mountain top.

Stephie: No, we checked. Birds and a rock with some writing on it.

Mr. Monkey: Than I really don't know. Good luck though. (**disappears in a puff of smoke**)

Quistis: Can monkeys do that?

Rinoa: I don't know, can monkeys talk?

Squall: Screw it, we have to save Zell…actually, we have the option of not saving him huh?

Irvine: Yes. I say we don't rescue him.

Stephie: But if we do rescue him, he can be killed when we save the city!

Everyone: Yay!

At a cave…

Zell: Something smells good. Smells like…pork chops. Or lamb chops. Hmm, those are good. Or maybe those wieners I find at the store. Anyway, I want what's cooking. (**looks at flaming shorts**) Oh. This is akward. Get me off of here!

Wendigo: Grunt, grunt, grunt, grunt.

Zell: What? Someone get me a Grunt-to-English dictionary.

Squall: Hey Zell! You still alive?

Zell: Guys! Thank goodness you're here. I'm going to get eaten by Wendigos. Help!

Irvine: Seems good. Let's go.

Zell: No wait, you can't leave me like this! It's 3 on 1. I can only handle 1 on 1! Come back!

Rinoa: That went well.

Stephie: Yea. Let's hurry and save the city from evil Laguna!

Everyone: Yay!

To be continued…

Zell: Crud, I'm really tanned. Oh no, back demons back! Get away! I got removable arms! I could…ah what's the point? Hey guys, put some leg meat in my mouth. I wanna see how I taste. (**chomp chomp**) Hmm, delicious, but a little tough. Hey wait, you're stealing my share! Why you no good, come back here with my legs! They're mine to eat! Crud. The gang is going to kill me for having to make me plastic legs. Time to start crawling.

* * *

**Vinson: Great, we lost a party member.**

**Kira: Zell, noooooooo!**

**Stephanie: Wow, this is very pathetic.**

**Vinson: Shut up. We never needed him. Besides, it's Kira's fault.**

**Kira: What?**


	30. Best Suicide Plan Ever

Chapter 30 – The Best Suicide Plan Ever

The party rested up behind a hill near the city.

Squall: Man, there's no way we can get through their defenses. Green soldiers, SAM08G and GIM47N models, a red soldier, a blue soldier, and an evil guy walking around with a machine gun with a skinny African.

Stephie: Sounds like Laguna and Kiros are patrolling the city with their soldiers. And seems like Biggs and Wedge are low ranked lackeys in the army.

Rinoa: Doubt we could rush in.

Squall: Hey, you figured out my plan.

Irvine: We could try the sniper plan.

Quistis: We left the sniper rifles back at Esther.

Squall: Everyone who wants to rush in, don't say aye.

Everyone except Squall: Aye.

Irvine: Hate to say it, but when we last charged into a place, we got our butts whooped.

Squall: And that's a problem, how?

Quistis: I say that we think this through and try to sneak in the city.

Squall: Fine.

Stephie: What about getting Biggs and Wedge to help us?

Irvine: They're still army flunkies. I doubt they would help.

Rinoa: Let's just try to find Watts, he'll help us plan this through.

Irvine: Way ahead of you. Hmm, with this sniper rifle, it shows that all the civilians are kept in…that tower, along with Watts. We have some climbing to do.

Squall: But we can't just fly up there. The 3 options were, fly up there, go up through the city, or mountain climb.

Quistis: Looks like the city is too heavily guarded. I say mountain climb.

Squall: Fine.

After climbing about 500ft…

Squall: Alright. From here, we go up this road. And than we go down it if we want to go into the city.

Rinoa: So you say that it leads straight into the city?

Squall: Yea, why?

Rinoa: See that rock over there? We send it down to the city, right into the nuclear plant and explode the city up.

Irvine: Alright.

Squall: One, two, three, push! (**rock rolls down and crushes a random soldier**) Ok, that's gotta hurt.

Soldier: What an unexpected event! I told them to move those stupid rocks, I mean, someone could get hurt, but noooooo. They leave them up there for scenenic purposes!

Irvine: We have to move it. We can't just leave it on him. I mean, it's just inconvient. Right? Squall?

Squall: (**faint voice far away**) Course we can, now come on!

So off to the tower they go.

Laguna: Is everything going to plan?

Voice: Yes.

Laguna: Good. Proceed as planned.

Voice: But there's nothing left.

Laguna: Oh yea. Right. Release the super spider mechs to create madness!

Voice: We can't. They're destroying Shumi Village, remember?

Laguna: Oh. Than just send all the soldiers up to the tower, screaming at the top of their lungs.

Voice: Fine.

To be continued…

Soldier: Hey, this guy has no legs.

Zell: (**sarcastic tone**) Yea, yea, come on guys, laugh with me, hahahaha. I don't care!

Soldier: Hey, he looks kinda familiar. You're the guy who didn't have any arms!

Zell: Yea, yea, I don't have legs now. Anyway, could one of you help me get up this hill?

Soldier: Can't, commander's orders. And we can't be seen talking to you. Uh…do do do… (**kicks Zell off cliff**)

Zell: Ah!

* * *

**It may seem like I torture Zell, but I don't want to torture someone else. And besides, Zell's fun to kill.**


	31. The 2nd Best Suicide Plan

Chapter 31 – The 2nd Best Suicide Plan

Squall: Alright, we're here. Let's bust the door down.

Quistis: No way, we busted enough doors for one adventure. Knocking in this case would be better. (**knock knock**) Hmm, no one's home.

Irvine: Now can we knock the door down?

Quistis: No. There must be a way in without busting doors down.

Stephie: I say we dig a tunnel.

Rinoa: What if it collapses on us?

Stephie: Than we all die.

Squall: Oh look, there's a doorbell. (**presses button, floor below them opens**) Ok, this, is not, good. (**whoosh**)

Eventually, they fell into what appeared to be an underground storage.

Squall: And you said that we shouldn't bust down doors.

Quistis: Tell you what, we can bust down the doors in the dormitory when we get back to the garden ok?

Squall: But it's not the same!

Rinoa: Now is not the time to argue. Someone is coming.

They all hid behind a crate, only to find out that Watts was down in the basement.

Irvine: Watts my good man. Listen, I need like 100 bucks to repay Squall.

Squall: Actually, 200 dollars with interest.

Irvine: How can it go up from 100 to 200 in only a few days?

Squall: It goes up by 3000 a year. It's like 20 a day.

Watts: First off, no, I can't give you any money because they stripped me of all my cash when someone turned me in.

Rinoa: Sorry, maybe I can give you the money I got from you.

Watts: Nah, that's ok. Secondly, what are you guys doing here? You can't escape because there's an anti-magic shield.

Stephie: We came to rescue you so be happy about it!

Quistis: So, how do we save everyone?

Watts: What? You're the one who came to rescue us. Think of something.

Irvine: I got nothing.

Quistis: Same.

Stephie: Ditto.

Rinoa: Nothing comes to mind.

Squall: (…) Ah crap!

To be continued…

Vinson: Well, this is great. Kira, bust out the cheat-book.

Kira: I thought you brought it.

Vinson: (…) This is just great. How are we suppose to cheat now?

Kira: No! Wait! For I have found... (idiot bag, so freaking big) oh, here it is... GAME SHARK!

Vinson: You know we can't use that on an Arcade game right?

Kira: Shoot.

Stephanie: Maybe you guys can play fairly?

Vinson: Don't talk nonsense Stephanie.

* * *

**Now, Kira (Enthusiastically Apathetic) decided to help me with the story. She came up with the brilliant Game Shark idea. Yay!**


	32. Escape Tactics for Dummies

Chapter 32 – Escape Tactics for Dummies

Squall: Alright, so why did you come down here Watts?

Watts: Heard something. I guess I'm lucky it's you guys. Come on, we should head up and I'll show you the city.

Irvine: Fine.

Rinoa: This place is kind of creepy.

Squall: Trust me, you don't want to know how creepy it could get.

After walking up the stairs, they saw Zone.

Rinoa: Zone! Are you ok?

Zone: Yea. I was captured, and it was pretty bad.

Watts: Hey, I didn't know you were here.

Zone: I didn't know that you were dumb enough to get captured.

Rinoa: Yeah Watts. You should be ashamed.

Squall: Alright, so what's the plan?

Watts: The front door is electrocuted, and that's the only way out of here. We could ride the elevator higher to the top, but what would that do? People tried jumping off from 500 feet in the air. I heard a splat for each one that jumped off.

Stephie: Oh, so that's why I saw so many bones on the trail.

Quistis: Yeah, I thought those were chicken bones.

Zone: There's a switch to turn it off, but it's on the outside of the building. Kind of akward if you ask me.

Squall: Can this place get any weirder?

Zone: And there's a bird on top of the tower that attacks us once in a while.

Stephie: I know, let's tame that bird!

Watts: Tried it. That's why there's about no one left.

Stephie: Aw, well my tunnel idea is still up for use.

Squall: I say bust the door down.

Watts: Anyway, we should think about this careful. (**ding dong**) I'll get it. (**opens front door by magical means**) Hello?

Soldier: Hey, have you seen these kids? (**shows scribble of 5 stickmen**)

Watts: No. But I'll tell you if I ever see these "kids." (**closes front door by magical means**) What?

Rinoa: How did you open the front door?

Watts: I didn't. It feels as if the door is opening by itself.

Squall: Alright, time to run down the sloops with soldiers behind us screaming at the top of their lungs.

Irvine: Let's hurry. Seems like they're getting more soldiers by the second…

To be continued…

Vinson: How you jammed a Game Shark into an Arcade Game I don't know.

Kira: I'm just good that way. And now time to instantly increase all stats to the max.

Vinson: Now make coins rain from the sky!

Kira: (...) Ok, done! (many many coins spew from the machine)

Vinson: I'm rich!

Kira: No, you probably only have $20 worth of coins.

Vinson: (...) Yay! I have $20 worth of coins.

Stephanie: Stupid Vinson.


	33. Resting is for Bums

Chapter 33 – Resting is for Bums

Squall: We should hurry, there are enough soldiers to bring down a Wendigo, and that's a lot.

Irvine: Alright, let's make a run for it!

Rinoa: When the door opens. Let's get ready…

5 minutes later…

Vinson: Hurry, input the code.

Kira: It's not working! And our characters seem to be slacking off.

In the game...

Stephie: Got any 3's?

Quistis: Go fish.

Real life...

Vinson: Quick, go with plan B.

Kira: We don't have a plan B. Plan A was to cheat.

Stephanie: Seriously, don't cheat and beat that bird.

Vinson: Anything else we can do?

Kira: Nope, doesn't look like it.

Vinson: Fine, but we'll cheat to beat the bird. It's only common sense we do so.

Stephanie: Sigh. Why do I bother?

Back in the game…

Squall: Change of plans. Looks like the door's busted. Let's go tame the bird.

Zone: Alright. Good luck.

Rinoa: You're not going to help?

Zone: Does it look like we want to die?

Irvine: Come on, no time to waste.

At the top of the tower…

Squall: Ok, let's tame this stupid bird. Scan! (**yellow sparks cover bird**) Name is Elvoret.

Stephie: Come on, let's put the beat down on this bird. (**Elvoret makes a "what?" expression, flies down and disappears**) Wow, now how are we suppose to beat it?

Rinoa: We could jump down. If only Zell was here to test drive.

Quistis: What if we use float and jump off?

Squall: Oh no, I'm not trusting float magic anymore.

Several months ago...

Irvine: Hey Squall, since we're here, let's get started.

Squall: Are you sure? The ceiling is about a few inches above my head.

Irvine: Yea. Go.

Squall: (**blue sparks**) Float! (**head goes through ceiling**)

Irvine: Oh yea, that rocked. Here's your twenty.

Several months right now…

Squall: Hey, the big satellite dish can carry everyone in the tower right?

Quistis: Just about.

Squall: Tell everyone to get in. I'll cut off the support and you guys will ride down to the ground, crushing the guards and escape.

Rinoa: Sounds good.

Stephie: Alright! I'll go round everyone up.

Irvine: I'll go help her.

After…several…attempts to get everyone inside the satellite dish…

Squall: Here I go! (**slash, big dish falls down**)

Stephie: Wee!

The big dish comes falling down, crushing all the soldiers.

Irvine: Prison break!

Rinoa: Run away!

Laguna: Stop right there. You're not going anywhere.

Irvine: Crud. Busted.

Laguna: There's no where left to run. But you can jump off the cliffs if you want. Doesn't matter to me how you die. Go ahead if you want to be a puddle of nothing. Or I can end your miserable lives now.

Rinoa: Not good…no where to run…and live…

To be continued…

Squall: Ok, I forgot to tell them. To deactivate the front door. So I can walk out of here coolly. With these awesome black glasses I got at the square! Man, they even glow in the dark! Sigh. Now what?

* * *

**You guys may notice that I'm not torturing Zell right now. Well...I'm out of torture jokes! Nooooooo. Give me a few more episodes. Than we'll get back to the violence.**


	34. Evil Strikes Again! Evil Laugh

Chapter 34 – Evil Strikes Again! (Evil Laugh)

Laguna: So who shall have the pleasure of dying first?

Irvine: That guy! (**points toward cliff**)

Zell: Why you pointing at me?

Laguna: Fine. (**bang**)

Zell: Ah! God, what did you do that for!

Laguna: Huh? You're still alive?

Irvine: (**mouthing**) shot, him, again.

Zell: (**bang**) God, one day, I'm going to sue you guys.

Irvine: Can I finish him?

Laguna: Be my guest.

Irvine: Sorry Zell. This is for our own good. (**BANG**)

Zell: (**falls off cliff**) Tell my mother I love her!

Irvine: That's what you get for making us escape alone!

Laguna: Who's next?

Voice: Stop! (everyone turns their head to look at person)

Kiros: This is not the Laguna I know. He does not wear black evil clothes, build evil mansions, and hire Galbadia to fight for us. Oh, and don't forget that he's also clumsy.

Laguna: The Laguna you know is long gone. I'm here now, and I'm evil! (**evil cocky laugh**)

Kiros: Fine. Battalion 1, attack! Squadron 1, charge! For Esther!

Explosions erupt everywhere. Laguna and his forces are forced to fight back, and the civilians flee in terror with arms over their head.

Irvine: We have to help Kiros!

Rinoa: What about Squall?

Irvine: You go help him, the rest of us will help Kiros beat Laguna's army.

Rinoa: Right.

Quistis: Let's go. (**all three run off**)

Rinoa: There should be a switch somewhere…oh here we go! (**ding dong**) Crud! (**trapdoor opens, whoosh**)

Irvine: Take this! (**bang**)

Laguna: (**evil cocky laugh**) Spider mechs, attack!

Several spider mechs come to the scene, tearing through Esther soldiers.

Gilgamesh: Zantetsuken! (**spider mech repaired 100**) What? Zantetsuken! (**spider mech repaired 100**) Ah! Zantetsuken, Zantetsuken, Zantetsuken!

Stephie: We can't take on the mechs. Hey look, it's the bird! And it has two people in his hands!

Biggs: Let go of me you stupid bird!

Wedge: Why do I always get stuck with him?

Biggs: Shut up and help me get us free!

Kiros: Burst cannons, fire!

A ship on the side of the coast shot its cannons. Flares burst out of the sky, and the bird immediately came down.

Irvine: Right on the mark.

Laguna: Alright. Bring in the secret weapon…and it better be clean this time!

To be continued…

Zell: Why do I always get shot?

Kiros: Come back with us. We can rebuild you. Make you stronger than you ever were. Come back with us...

Galbadia Soldier: Come back with us. We can rebuild you. And give you extra arms and a 6 pack!

Zell: Sign me for Galbadia!

Kiros: Crud. He's gone over to the dark side. Side cannons, get ready. Aim for the man with no legs.


	35. No Mercy! Except for Five Bucks

Chapter 35 – No Mercy! Except for Five Bucks.

Laguna: Alright, closer, closer…AH, not that close, back up! You're crushing my foot! Ah…

Soldier: The mako cannon is ready. Fire on your command.

Laguna: I'll just wait until we've almost lost. Than we blow those unsuspecting fools back to oblivion. (**evil cocky laugh**)

Soldier: So what are your current orders?

Laguna: I've sent all soldiers on a suicide charge. All privates are excluded from this.

Soldier: (…) I'm a corporal.

Laguna: What, you are? Get your butt in there and die for your country!

Soldier: I don't want to die! (**sob, run off**)

Stephie: What are they doing, let me see, let me see!

Quistis: Quiet. There's a soldier running away crying. And Laguna is shooting him.

Irvine: Hey, why are we staying here instead of fighting?

Quistis: I don't know. We don't want to die? Gilgamesh is immortal, Kiros seem to avoid the battle, and the Spider mechs wont die. The only one who bothers to get in there to die are the little ant soldiers who either get shot by the spider mechs, blown up by the ships, or cut up, and I'm not going to be the one to sacrifice their life to tip a war.

Irvine: Fine. If only Zell was here.

Back at the tower…

Rinoa: Squall, let's go.

Squall: There's no way we can make it.

Rinoa: We'll make it, now let's go.

Both of them jump off the tower with a mattress underneathe them.

Squall: Weeeee. Oof. Wow, these mattresses sure are comfy. Rinoa?

Rinoa: I'm ok.

Squall: Alright, let's go help the others back.

Squall: Right.

Kiros: What do you mean we're out of cannonballs? Shoot other stuff. Like the worthless people. Or maybe wood. Something that hurts!

Squall: Hey guys, what's up?

Irvine: Man, you're late. Well, they got a cannon. Shoots green stuff. Oh man, that's bad stuff. Even worse than that blue stuff. And don't get me started on rainbow-colored magic. It's really annoying.

Squall: Well, what about dairy magic?

Irvine: Hate it. Get's everywhere you don't want it to. Hey, is that Zell?

Kiros: Alright, side cannons fire at that guy!

Zell: So there's a dental plan?

Soldier: With life insurance!

Zell: Now how do the ranks work?

Soldier: If the commander likes your work, you go higher. With better pay. Hey what's that?

A cannonball hits Zell and sends him into the air.

Soldier: Zell? Zell? Are you ok?

Zell: Did I sign up yet? Because I need that life insurance crap now!

Soldier: I need your signature.

Zell: Er, arms broken.

Soldier: Good luck living then.

Zell: No, wait, come back! DAMN IT!

To be continued…

Kiros: Is the target dead?

Soldier: No.

Kiros: Fire again!


	36. No Mercy! Now Give me Ten Bucks

Chapter 36 – No Mercy! Now Give me Ten Bucks.

Squall: Wow that was a nice rocket Kiros sent in. Let's go and beat the crap out of Laguna.

Rinoa: Right.

Jumps off cliff.

Laguna: Open fire!

Squall: (**rolls behind nearby rock**) Alright, one of us has to distract their fire. And since Zell is not here…we draw straws.

Selphie: Ok! I can do that! **(whips out drawing pad and starts scribbling madly)**

Rinoa: Uh…

Selphie: Alright! Here you go!

Selphie takes out a picture of extremely well drawn straws that come in various sizes, each one with a name of the group and a smiley face attached to a piece, with a frowny face on the smallest.

Squall: Going by what this says, Zell should be the one to go... but Zell currently ISN'T HERE!

Selphie: Well, that's alright! (**scribbles out Zell**) IRVINE'S NEXT!

Irvine: Hey, that's…

Stephie: Off you go!

Irvine: (**stumbles to feet**) Ow. Oh hey guys.

Soldier: He's running away, get him!

Irvine: No wait, I'm just trying to walk away.

Soldier: He's walking away, get him, an easier target!

Irvine: Gah! (**runs**)

Soldiers follow.

Squall: Now's our chance. Let's go.

Irvine: Pant, pant, gah, enough running away, time to fight. (**bang, scream**) or I can run and practice at the shooting range when I live.

Voice: Hi-ya! (**soldiers drop faint**)

Irvine: Kiros! Nice blades.

Kiros: Thanks. Now come with me. I think you need to see something.

Squall: Alright, let's see. Laguna's right there and there's about five soldiers.

Quistis: What's the plan?

Rinoa: Attack?

Squall: We could get blasted. Maybe we could…

(Kiros runs in and slashes the soldiers and starts talking to Laguna)

Squall: Wait for Kiros to come by and save the day. Yea.

Stephie: Do we go in and kick butt?

Squall: Are you crazy? We stay here, and watch the cool action from a safe distant. And throw rocks at them or something. Very safe.

Kiros: There's no where to run. Now, leave, this, body. (**raise blade up to neck**)

Laguna: Why? It's nice here. Besides, why would I listen to you? (**kicks arm out of way, runs away like a sissy screaming like a girl**)

Kiros: Now!

Irvine: I get one shot! (**bang, slow motion bullet straight for Laguna**)

Laguna: Now… (_matrix style dodge_)

Irvine: Hey get back here! That's copyrighted!

Laguna: Abracadabra! (**throws smoke bomb on ground, evil laughter**) You will never catch me! Never! Hahahaha… (**smoke disappears and he's still there**) Oh, bye. (**runs away**)

Squall: Looks like he got away.

Kiros: No he hasn't. (**raises remote, presses it, makes beeping noise**)

Squall: It's beautiful…

Irvine: Remarkable…

Rinoa: It's a hunk-a-junk.

New! Yellow Jeep. Gets 12 inches before needing another refuel, and now, 10 seats.

Irvine: Shotgun.

Stephie: I'll drive.

Squall: Oh no. Everyone, brace yourself. Oh damn, oh, ow, ow, this road is bumpy. Wait, this isn't the road. Ah, watch out for that cactuar! Oh man, that's not cool. Hey, is that Watts? Hi Watts! Oh god, why did you have to run over Watts? That's uncool. Hey, where we going?

Stephie: Wee! A hill! (**scene with the car driving off cliff**)

Everyone: Ahhhh!

To be continued…

Zell: Is this the end of me? The end of the hero?

Dog: Arf.

Zell: What are you…put your leg down before I have to put the hurting on you. Ah, bad dog!

* * *

**Several ideas here Kira's idea. She's really been into this. Except the Zell violence.**


	37. RoadTrip

Chapter 37 – Road Trip

Stephie: So where are we?

Irvine: Says here we're at Winhill.

Squall: Nothing here but sand. Check again.

Irvine: Oh, the map was upside-down. We're at Cactuar Island.

Stephie: Hm, that's nice. Hey look, there's some over there.

Cactuar: (**weh,** **1,000 needles**)

Stephie: Ah, let's get out of the car! (**kaboom**) Well, let's get back in.

Quistis: How can we? It's busted up and my seat's on fire!

Stephie: It's a dent, and the fire's nothing, now get in.

Squall: (**slam, chop, slash**) Oh no. The wheel's busted. I guess we're have to walk.

Stephie: I got an extra wheel right here!

Rinoa: Why you have a wheel in your back pocket?

Stephie: (**…**) In case I'm bored.

Quistis: Besides, it won't fit the handle.

Kiros: You owe me 35,000 gil for the car.

Rinoa: This'll cover it. Now, let's get going.

After walking endlessly…

Irvine: I need water. I don't care about babes right now. I need water… (_looks over at Squall_)

Squall: What? Hey, don't look at me like that…

Irvine: But, I need, mountain dew!

Squall: No man, you can't have my mountain dew costume. I'm going to wear it this Halloween.

Quistis: Stop fighting. It ain't going to help us out of here. And Squall, don't bring random soda drink costumes with us when we go to the desert.

Squall: Fine, but I'm still going to wear this.

Cactuar: Weh.

Kiros: Don't move. It attacks when scared.

Irvine: Ah! (_runs away like sissy_)

Kiros: Get back here! You coward! (_crowd of cactuars chase Irvine_) Wow, that's ironically lucky. Run!

Squall: Run away!

Stephie: Whose idea was it to abandon the car?

Squall: It blew up! We'd be burned over easy if we stayed in that.

Stephie: Excuses excuses, now let's hurry.

Rinoa: Crud. Look up. (_everyone looks up_)

Jumbo Cactuar: Wooooooo.

Kiros: Hey, it's Irvine.

Irvine: Pant, pant, someone get these needles out of my butt. Seriously. OW! (_turns around to find little cactuar_)

Cactuar: Weh (**throws needle in Irvine's eye**)

Irvine: God! I'm blind! Ah…

Squall: You ok?

Irvine: Does it look like I'm ok?

Squall: Here's a cool eye patch I keep in my back pocket for such occasions.

Stephie: The big cactuar is attacking!

To be continued…

Irvine: OW! God, get back here squirt!

Cactuar: Weh!

Irvine: Ow, freaken, come back here and say that to my face! Yea, that's right, you better run! What the, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Squall: Ooh, that's gotta hurt. Need me to get the needles out of your butt?

Irvine: Back off before I shove my size 11's up yours.


	38. Subcar

Chapter 38 – Subcar

Jumbo Cactuar: Woooooooo.

Squall: Fated Circle! (**spins and releases light explosion**) Yea, take that!

Rinoa: I think we beat it. It's coming closer. It wants to tell us something.

Jumbo Cactuar falls on party.

Stephie: (_blocked tone_) I think it's telling us it's heavy.

Several hours later…

Irvine: I can't believe it was full of water!

Squall: Alright, I got the car fixed. And I'm driving.

Stephie: Shotgun.

Quistis: But my chair's still on fire!

Squall: Yea, I don't know why. I tried putting water on it, but it just stayed there. Good luck though.

After sometime…

Squall: Alright, from what our sources say…

Stephie: And the cool tracker I put on him…

Squall: Laguna's in the middle of the ocean.

Kiros: This car can't travel on water. Head to Esther. We have some work to do. Oof, why you stop?

Squall: We're screwed. There's water. And this can't float. And there's no bridge that we can take. Except the badly drawn bridge over there that we can't take.

Kiros: But this car can fly! (_presses big red button_) Ah, crud.

Irvine: What? (**boing**) Ah!

Kiros: I never should have installed an ejector seat. (_presses other big red button_) Ok.

Quistis: Whoa… (_mechanical sounds_) Impressive. Jet car. Heard this cost millions.

Kiros: Nah, I made it out of the neighbor's trashcan. Now off to Esther! Oh yea, wait a moment, Irvine's coming back.

Irvine: (In a parachute chair) Wicked awesome. Do it again!

At a cliff...

Kiros: Now watch. (_presses red button_) Man. Have fun Irvine!

Irvine: Will do. (**boing**) Weeeeee!

Kiros: Now watch, again!

Squall: We're still watching from the first time.

Kiros: Whatever. (presses red button)

Stephie: Everything is expanding…

Kiros: New, submarine and a car, our best seller. Oh, welcome back Irvine.

Irvine: (In a parachute chair) What I miss?

Kiros: Not much. Dive, dive, dive!

Squall: Hold on!

Submerged…

Stephie: Awesome! Look at the fish!

Rinoa: Those are nice, but we should stay on task.

Squall: Rinoa's right. Now, let's go.

Irvine: I think we're here…it's an underwater reactor.

Squall: Looks like the welcome party are here…and they don't look that welcoming…

To be continued...

Kiros: Fire rockets! (_presses red button_) Ok, here's an oxygen tank.

Irvine: What? Why? (**boing**)

Squall: Um, he isn't coming back is he?

Kiros: Nope.


	39. Underwater Reactor

Chapter 39 – Underwater Reactor

Kiros: Fire torpedo 1! (**swoosh, kaboom**) Yeah!

Squall: Incoming rockets, evasive maneuvers!

---

Game of Invaders on screen, small ship on bottom.

Vinson: Move over, this is my favorite game.

---

Squall: (**boom, boom, boom**) It's working, their fleet is dropping.

Commander: Our numbers are low. Increase speed!

Squall: No, I can't hit the last one.

---

Vinson: It's too fast, I can't stop it.

---

Commander: Haha. Increase speed and reverse direction.

Game of Invaders, last ship blasted. +50,000 points.

---

Vinson: You're good.

Kira: Too fast eh?

Vinson: Shut it.

---

Kiros: Prepare for docking.

Location: Underwater Reactor

Irvine: Hey guys, I'm back.

Squall: Bout time. Alright, let's go.

Zell: Stop right there. Don't go any further.

Stephie: Zell? What are you doing here?

Zell: The Galbadia department was hired to guard this reactor. Just don't make me fight you guys and…gah, my arm! Ah! My leg, stop that. Gah, my arm. Seriously…

Rinoa: Squall, I really think you should stop. I stopped dating him a while ago.

Squall: (Has Zell in a lockhold and kicking his legs) Really? Wow.

Quistis: Seriously, he looks dead.

Squall: Leave him, let's go.

Zell: Ow. Once again. I get brutally cut up. Well, least I won't get hurt by the armor defending the base.

Irvine: Stop. There's something ahead.

Reno: Huh? What are you kids doing here?

Squall: Where's Laguna? Where you hiding him?

Reno: I have no idea. And there's suppose to be a spiky blonde fighting against me. Oh well. Carry Armor, attack!

Carry Armor: Roar!

Squall: Not good. (_three people show up_)

Cloud: Hey, what are you guys doing here?

Squall: What are you doing here?

Cloud: Get out of our world! Wait, let's not talk about it. The armor's attacking!

And the clash beings…

To be continued…

Vinson: Is this suppose to happen? It's called Final Fantasy 8, Balamb Garden vs. Galbadia Garden.

Kira: I have no idea. But this story getting exciting.

Stephanie: Can we go home yet? It's been 3 hours.

Vinson: Good idea, go home and get Kira and my sleeping bags. We're going to be here for a while. And get me some chips! I hunger.


	40. Clash of the Titans

Chapter 40 – Clash of the Titans

Squall: Alright, all done. Is everyone still alive?

Cloud: Yea. Now, sit down with us and tell us why you are here.

Squall: Well…

1 hour later.

Squall: And that's it.

Cloud: What? All you did was sit down, put a time card up, and say "And that's it."

Squall: Fine.

1 hour later.

Squall: And that's the story.

Tifa: Hmm, so you guys must have come into our world by accident by going underwater or something.

Irvine: Well we have to go find Laguna. Than we can start slacking off.

Tifa: Laguna? You mean an evil guy with an evil laugh and a gun?

Stephie: That's the one. So, you know where he is?

Tifa: I don't know really. I just wanted to know how evil your bad guys are.

Quistis: Where do we go from here?

Cloud: Come with us for now. We're going to beat up some marines, than hi-jack one of their submarines. Than enter a really crappy 3-D game and blow one up.

Kiros: What about our sub?

Squall: Alright. We'll split up and help you blow up this sub.

Cloud: Great. We're the yellow sub. I don't know what color your sub is, but we blow up a red one.

Kiros: Our sub is red. How will we tell which one to blow up?

Cloud: I guess we'll have to get lucky won't we? Alright, everyone to your stations.

Squall's party.

Rinoa: This is a good day not to be blown up.

Squall: So true.

Cloud's party.

Tifa: Are we blowing them up?

Cloud: Oh yea. I want payback for what Zell did to me.

Tifa: What?

Cloud: I don't know. But blowing them up sounds fun.

Game Start.

Target locked.

Cloud: Fire! (**swoosh**)

Target destroyed.

Cloud: Oh yea, take that Squall!

Receiving incoming transmission, putting it onscreen.

Squall: Great shot! We saw it from a far distance.

Cloud: Yea, thanks. (_screen turns off_) Track them down and blow them up.

Marine: Yes. S…sir.

Tifa: There's a red sub locked. Launch all missiles?

Cloud: Yes! And don't miss. (**swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh**)

Target lost. Missiles seeking new targets. Red sub found. Now attacking.

Tifa: Uh, that sub doesn't look familiar.

Cloud: Crud, we're going to win the game. Reset!

Tifa: I can't. We didn't save the game!

Target destroyed. Great! 20,000 points. Receiving incoming transmission, main screen turn on.

Squall: Wow, you're good at this. At first, it seemed that you were firing at us, but in the end, it was just a tactic to get the enemy unsuspecting of your missiles.

Stephie: It was so cool. The missiles were right on our tail, than when Quistis did a reversal double-axel back flip, the missiles went elsewhere.

Cloud: Yea. Right. (_screen turns off_) I want a rematch.

To be continued…

Squall: Hey, there are two yellow subs on screen.

Rinoa: Should we fire?

Squall: Fire all 20 missiles randomly and hope they destroy both of them.

Rinoa: Roger! Fire missiles!

* * *

**The real submarine game is much more boring than this. Hey, it's not my fault you can't blow other players up in a 10 on 10 duel, 20 missiles a submarine.**


	41. Rays, Lasers, and Beams

Chapter 41 – Rays, Lasers, and Beams

On the Highwind…

Stephie: Cool! This is much better than trains! (_takes out caboose from pocket and throws it over shoulder_)

Cloud: Everybody, to the conference room now.

Squall: We're already here. Now, what's happening?

Cloud: What's happening is that the cannon from Junon has been attached at Midgar, so now, we must stop Hojo from firing Mako into Sephiroth.

Irvine: Right. And do we also rescue a princess from a castle?

Barret: I already did that on our N63. Now, this is where you come in. The cannon will be firing at the Northern Cavern at a 90º angle. We can either…

Yuffie: Get in there and kill everyone!

Barret: Or, try to tilt the cannon. Whoever wants to tilt the cannon, say aye.

Crickets: Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp.

Barret: What about you crickets? You guys want to tilt the cannon?

Crickets: No, chirp, no.

Barret: (0.o)

Cloud: Fine. We'll go in and kill everyone.

Squall: Now where do we come in?

Cloud: I don't know. Serve us snacks or something.

Squall: Just let us jump inside the city.

Cloud: Oh great. What will the rest of us do?

Rinoa: Fly the ship around and around until we need you.

Quistis: And don't land the ship. The diamond thing over there will kill you. It's like, waiting for you guys to land.

Cid: Now hold on a minute. This is my ship, and I will tell you whether or not we will land, and we will land!

The ship lands on the ground. The Diamond Weapon begins to destroy Highwind, Godzilla style.

Cid: Don't land, don't land!

Quistis: I told you so!

Cid: Shut it. We're free now aren't we?

Cloud: This is the drop-off point.

Squall: We're going in. Ready guys?

Stephie: Yep!

They jump off.

Squall: By the way guys, why don't we have parachutes?

Irvine: Parachutes are for wimps!

Squall: How will we survive when we land?

Irvine: I don't know. I meant that wimps don't survive the crash.

Squall: Float! (_blue sparks_)

They land safely on the floor.

Irvine: Wimp!

Rinoa: Here's the tunnel they told us to go in. Hey, what's happening to the ship?

To be continued…

Squall: (**boom**) The cannon fired, and somehow they were in front of it. Now, they're dead.

Rinoa: Shame shame.

* * *

**Cloud did survive. Don't you worry. And a N63 does not exist! Because N64 is better. By 1 number. Hehe. Make the N5000 already!**


	42. Good Scientists Gone Bad

Chapter 42 – Good Scientists Gone Bad

Rinoa: Ah! (**shuts hatch**) Ok, let's not go into the sewers anymore.

Quistis: Alright, up these stairs are the controls.

Squall: Hey, there's a green chest. Hmm? It won't open.

Irvine: Move over. Huh, gahhhh…man. Nothing.

Quistis: Flare! (**boom**) This thing is godlike!

Voice: Hi-ya!

Voice: Ugh, how ugly. What the, ah! (**Barret falls toward party**)

Squall: Hey, get up. You're not dead yet are you?

Barret: Ugh, not a chance. What's with that green chest?

Stephie: We can't open it!

Barret: (_opens chest_) Seems fine to me. Hey, this is…

Squall: (_steals fist_) Mine! Oh yea. Missing…Score…oh yea, this will score millions on F-bay.

Barret: You know, it could fit into my gun socket and…

Quistis: We should hurry.

Squall: Fine. But I keep the fist. (_runs up_)

Barret: Man. I should kill that guy. Cloud was right, these guys are crazy thieves with a lot of luck.

Mojo: Haha! (**morphs into alien-like creature**)

Tifa: Man, this guy is troublesome.

Mojo: Rah! Grunt! (**whack, whack, whack, whack, whack**)

Tifa: Cloud!

Cloud: Gah, Aeris, I'm coming you beautiful babe.

Tifa: To hell with you. Now die!

Cloud: Alright. Gah! Uh.

Squall: Phoenix down!

Cloud: What? I'm alive? Damn it Squall! You're going straight to hell after this battle.

Tifa: Keep on your guard. Hojo isn't down for the count yet.

Hojo: The cannon, rah, is almost ready. Now, it is time for you to die.

Rinoa: Take this! Meteor!

Hojo: Whoops, whoa, close. You missed!

Cloud: Yea, we should have told you that.

Hojo: And now, for your demise! Rah!

Irvine: Watch out Rinoa! (**pulls out plasma grenade, and tosses it at Hojo**)

Hojo: Roar! (**boom**, _dies_)

Grunt: They got leader, run!

Cloud: The cannon's going to blow!

Squall: I know what to do. Push all the buttons at once. (**beep**!)

Cloud: No you fool! You've set it to self-destruct!

Squall: Awesome.

Irvine: Well it was ni… (**KABOOM**)

Everyone: Ah!...

Squall: Are we still alive?

Irvine: Yea. Looks like we're at…Trabia.

Stephie: Yay! Let's go visit.

Quistis: I wonder what happened to Cloud and friends…

White, universe.

Cloud: Once again, we're destined to float in the abyss of this place.

Tifa: This time I saved the game!

Barret: Good. But I still feel like we're forgetting something…

Squall: Man, you are so going to fetch me a lot of money, Missing Score.

Rinoa: Squall, stop hugged that fist and come on!

To be continued…

Squall: Where's Kiros?

Back at the underwater reactor…

Kiros: You think they're coming back for us?

Zell: Nope. Not a chance.


	43. Laguna's Debut

Chapter 43 – Laguna's Debut

Squall: Where is everyone?

Stephie: I don't know. Friend! Friend? Where are you?

Squall: You don't know her name?

Stephie: Nope. I just usually point at her and say you.

Voice: (_evil laughter_)

Quistis: Crud, it's Laguna.

Laguna: Man, how did you know? Anyway, seize them!

Irvine: Galbadia soldiers! What are they doing here?

Laguna: Yes. Isn't this fun? Taking over so many Gardens with one army. Now take them to my prison. Except him. Take him to my Star Wars Chamber.

Squall: You'll never get away with this!

Laguna: Oh contraire. I already have.

At the akward Star Wars Chamber.

Squall: It's nice how you're serving me wine. But do I have to be cuffed?

Laguna: Yes. I'm evil, remember?

Squall: So who are you?

Laguna: I am a spirit from the future. I go by the name Ultimecia. I wreak havoc to the world as of last week. But really, it is fun. You want to know why Seifer became evil? I was him! Haha!

Squall: You're mad. Everyone knows that Seifer is already evil.

Laguna: Yeah. I didn't have to do much work.

Squall: How are you able to do this?

Laguna: I am a Sorceress, able to control time and space. However, my time is wreaked already, so I want to have fun here. Now, this is where you die.

Voice: Squall! (**leaps down and cuts Squall free**)

Squall: Who are you?

Cait Sith: I'm Cait Sith. I followed you here from Midgar. The explosion knocked me toward you guys, and that's how I got here.

Laguna: Who is this? Oh, doesn't matter, you both will die! (**shoots crazily**)

Squall: Ah…I'm hit. And oddly hanging on a rail. Crud, I must have slipped.

Laguna: Now. Squall, I am your father!

Squall: Yeah, I know that. Now go ahead and kill me.

Laguna: (_raises sword he has on desk_)

Cait Sith: No wait, take me instead!

Laguna: (looks back between Cloud and Squall) Ok.

Cait Sith: No wait, wait. (**slash**) Ah! (_faint_)

Squall: Can I go now?

Laguna: Fine. Just take the door to your left over there.

Squall: Thanks. Now to go rescue everyone.

To be continued…

Laguna: Wait, before you go, I wanted to know if I could have your right hand?

Squall: Why?

Laguna: You know, cause it's cool any my friends wanted to see a hand that's deattached.

Squall: Just take one from Cait Sith over there.

Laguna: Fine. But it's not the same. (_slash_) Or is it?

* * *

**It was Kira's and Stephanie's idea to make Cait Sith die. They hate sexists. FF7 Advent Children!**


	44. Escape Tactics for Morons

Chapter 44 – Escape Tactics for Morons

Squall: Pant, pant, they won't stop chasing me.

Guard: He's slowing down. Get your pointy spears ready.

Squall: A room! (**kicks open**) Guys! What are you doing…

Quistis: Got any 3's?

Stephie: Go fish.

Irvine: Yea! I hit the apple. Sorry to do this to you Rinoa.

Rinoa: I didn't know you had an archery set.

Squall: Come on, let's get out of here!

Irvine: Fine, but we don't have our weapons.

Squall: Neither do I.

Voice: I think they went in here!

Irvine: Let's get out of here. Rah!

Squall: Does he realize that he ran off by himself?

Voice: There's one, get him! (_sissy scream_)

Quistis: Nope. Come on, while they're distracted.

Guard: Where did he go?

Guard: Maybe he's under that box that says "I'm not under here."

Guard: Are you mad? It says that he's not under there. Come on, let's go.

Irvine: Whoa, that was close. At least they didn't look under the box that said "I am here."

Squall: Irvine, come on!

At a hallway…

Guard: There they are! Get them!

Stephie: Man, how do they keep up with us?

Rinoa: It's also a dead-end.

Squall: What do we do?

Laguna: Yes, what do you do?

Quistis: Laguna, can't you go one freaking chapter without talking?

Laguna: I didn't talk for the first season, and I wasn't included until season 2, mid-way. What you think of that?

Squall: What about season 3? We know that we travel to beat you up again.

Laguna: Yea, but I don't want to waste time and appear early to our beloved readers.

Rinoa: Just shut up. Silence!

Laguna: Immune.

Rinoa: Man, everyone's immune to that for some reason.

Laguna: Enough talk. Fire!

Squall: Quick! Into that room! (_door open, door close_)

Stephie: We're in the gym. Hurry, there is a door on the other side.

Guard: Where are they?

Laguna: Damn it! They escaped. You, send all squads on a search for them. You, gather information from the students and see if they seen them around. You, get me some chips and salsa.

Stephie: Ok, lucky that the benches are still here.

Squall: We have to find our weapons. Where would they hide them?

Stephie: I don't know.

Rinoa: I remember that we passed a room that said storage. But there are too many guards.

Irvine: Leave that to me.

Voice: There's one, get him!

Rinoa: We could have just looked around silently.

After sometime…

Squall: Got my weapon.

Rinoa: Mine too.

Quistis: Yea.

Stephie: Same.

Irvine: Got it.

Squall: How you get here?

Irvine: I came in. You won't believe what happened.

Flashback

Irvine: Man, just got away.

Voice: Oh look a box. Wait, what's in it?

Voice: Gotcha.

Voice: It's Solid Snake! Run! Gah! Oof!

Voice: Ok, now to find Metal Gear Solid.

Irvine: (**…**) Oh look, it's the guys.

Flashback over

Squall: Anyway, we can get out of here by this window. I'll go first. (**crash**)

Rinoa: Alley-oop!

Irvine: Cannonball!

Quistis: Double reversal front back flips!

Stephie: I think I'll just jump.

To be continued…

Voice: Snake. What are you doing here?

Voice: Where's Metal Gear Solid?

Voice: It's over there. Why? Hey, put that stinger down. No, don't do that. (**boom**) No!

Voice: And now, my work is done. (_Box A equipped)_


	45. Preparing for our Demise, Again

Chapter 45 – Preparing for our Demise, Again

Squall: Look, it's the garden!

Megaphone: Everyone, hop on, we're going to take down Laguna now.

Squall: Xu, good job. You're going to be paid from now on.

Xu: I already get paid.

Squall: Well I did it quick heh?

Xu: We also picked up Zell and Kiros.

Kiros: Never leave me back there with him again!

Zell: We had a little conversation over little weenie sausages and he starts fussing.

Kiros: You don't want to know.

Squall: Who's still alive from our first battle?

Xu: Currently, 25 of the students of the first battle are wounded. The rest are ready to go.

Squall: Alright. (microphone feedback) Ahem. We will be entering a fierce battle today. First off, 90 off all weapons at our armory. Secondly, all classes are canceled, except for "Learn to Spear Drive Enemies."

Person: Yay!

Squall: Lastly, no one is allowed to kill other members of this Garden.

Irvine: What about Zell?

Squall: Him too, him too. We can't have anymore lawsuits about Zell. They cast life on him and sue us thousands.

Xu: Now, there are several attack plans we can do. One, storm the garden and kill anyone we see.

Squall: Two, negotiate their surrender.

Xu: Or three, run away like cowards and forget this business. Now if you would please vote 1, 2, or 3 on your ballet. (Jeopardy Theme)

Rinoa: The results are…99 percent said 2.

Irvine: 1 percent said 3.

Squall: And a whooping 500 percent said 1. It's unanimous, we're going to storm their garden! That is all. (microphone feedback)

Student: We're receiving an incoming transmission from Tribia Garden.

Squall: Put it on main screen.

(static)

Squall: It's channel 3, not channel 4, change it, change it, hurry. It's you!

Laguna: How are you gentlemen? All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.

Squall: What you say?

Laguna: You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha ha ha.

Xu: Squall?

Squall: Take off every bike-rider.

Student: Hey, you're saying everything in my Zero Wing game.

Squall: Shut that thing off and send all the bike-riders on an attack.

Student: Yes, sir! Oh, and a certain Headmaster Cid wishes to talk with you.

Squall: Send him a fruit basket and send him home. And make sure he doesn't steal any of the free candy.

Dawn, the next day…

Squall: Are the bike-riders back?

Student: They're dead.

Squall: They'll pay. Everyone in position?

Xu: Everyone except Zell.

Squall: What? You guys didn't tie him up to the stalks and burn him yet?

Xu: The people are not convinced that he's a witch.

Squall: Just do it. And make it snappy, we don't want to keep the people waiting.

Some time later…

Squall: Charge!

Students: Rah! Yea! Attack! I feel like buying life insurance!

Laguna: Alright. Send out the soldiers and bring out the secret weapon. Muwhahaha.

To be continued…

Laguna: What? What you mean it's being fixed? How do you guys do that? Yes. Yes. Uh-huh. Listen, just don't screw it up anymore than it already is and just get out there and start throwing nukes around and something.


	46. Ending Salvation

Chapter 46 – Final – Ending Salvation

Squall: Wow, this battle is pretty even. Each person takes out another person and dies.

Irvine: We will have to tilt the battle soon, because it looks like they're bringing a secret weapon.

Squall: (zoom) Hmm…

Laguna: Yeah, keep it coming. Hey you, stop taking gas from the machine. I know times are rough, but you shouldn't steal gas from us. Go over to the other garden and do it.

Squall: It's another Mako Cannon. Where are they getting these?

Laguna: Don't you dare drop this! Or else you all have to run back in and get another one from storage. Muwhahaha.

Squall: We have to destroy it. With that cannon in their possession, there's no telling how many students they can kill. Right Zell? You witch.

Zell: Ow. Get me down from here! Ow!

Squall: We'll split into 2 groups. The first group will head defend the garden. The other group will try to sneak around the right and destroy, steal, or disarm the Mako Cannon. Since Zell is currently preoccupied, only two people will cause a distraction.

Zell: Not, ow, my fault!

Irvine: I'll stay with Stephie.

Squall: Fine. Than let's hurry before… (_zap_, **boom**) Bastard!

Irvine: Bastard!

Rinoa: Bastard!

Laguna: (_cocky laugh_) This is fun. Now shoot over there. (_zap_, **boom**)

Squall: Man, he blew up my room!

Laguna: Aim for the cafeteria!

Squall: That does it. Let's go!

Student: Life!

Student: Thanks. (**slash**) Oh god. (_faint_)

Student: Life!

Student: Thanks. (**slash**) Oh god. (_faint_)

Student: Life!

Student: Thanks. (**slash**) Oh god. (_faint_)

Student: Uh, I'm out of life spells.

Soldier: Good. (**slash**)

Student: Not cool. (_faint_)

Irvine: I summon Tonberry!

Tonberry: Doink, doink, doink, doink.

Laguna: Tonberry! Shoot it down. (_zap_)

Tonberry: Waa. (_faint_)

Irvine: Bastard!

Xu: Hey, paratroopers are starting to invade the classrooms. You better go help the students defend it.

Irvine: All the hot babes are in there. Let's go Stephie.

Stephie: Fine.

In the forest…

Rinoa: Why are we hiding in these bushes?

Squall: Wait for it… (_thunder_) Alright, there he is.

Gilgamesh: I have been summoned.

Voice: You want to die too?

Squall: No way…

Seifer: Well?

Gilgamesh: I cannot die. Now prepare yourself…

Laguna: Fire! (_zap_)

Gilgamesh: Gah. I'm badly wounded. Bastard! (poof)

Squall: Man, he's invincible with that cannon.

Laguna: Fire into those bushes over there!

Squall: And this is where we run. (**boom**)

At classroom 1…

Irvine: Man, this room clear.

Xu: (_microphone feedback_) The cafeteria is under attack. All available students defend the cafeteria and all its goodness!

Stephie: Let's hurry.

At the cafeteria…

Paratrooper: Is this the only defense for this pitiful garden?

Zell: Who wants to get in between me, and my hot dogs?

In the forest…

Squall: Let's go. (**runs toward cannon**)

Seifer: Stop right there.

Squall: Man, why don't you ever leave me alone?

Seifer: Now where's the fun in that?

Squall: Just get out of my way!

Seifer: No chance. Activate the force field. Yes that force field.

An incredible force field surrounds Squall and Seifer, preventing anyone from entering or leaving.

Seifer: Now fight me!

Squall: Fine! Renzokuken!

Seifer: Ah! Ouch, that hurt. Hey, can you pass me my arm over there?

Squall: Catch!

Seifer: (catch) Thanks. Now let's continue.

Screen to Vinson and Kira.

Vinson: Take this! And some of this!

Kira: Oh my gosh, is it possible for someone to bend that way?

Stephanie: What? You guys not cheating?

Vinson: Course we are! Kira's preventing him from doing anything but stand there and talk stupid and funny things.

Kira: I got Game Shark V2.0!

Vinson and Kira: Yay!

Back to Squall!

Seifer: I am defeated. Now leave me. I must kneel here and pretend to look at the ground.

Squall: Good, let's get Laguna.

Seifer: Wait, take this.

Squall: It's a rock.

Seifer: Trust me, it'll save your life in season 3.

Squall: Alright.

Laguna: Stay where you are!

Rinoa: The cannon's pointing at us!

Laguna: If you don't want your head blown off, I suggest you drop your weapons, and give us all your gil.

Rinoa: What if I give you some of my gil?

Laguna: I mean all of it.

Quistis: Wow, I finally talk this chapter!

Laguna: I said be quiet!

Squall: Now! (_dashes toward cannon_)

Laguna: Fire! (**boom**)

Squall: No! The cafeteria!

A few seconds ago at the cafeteria…

Zell: Now, don't you dare to ever get in between me and my… (**boom**!) Bastard!

At Laguna, or something…

Squall: Man, Zell's going to be angry. Now, this is when you go back to where you come from! Dispel!

Rinoa: Dispel!

Quistis: Dispel!

Laguna: Ah! Not again. Oh well, this body is too clumsy and hard to control. But remember, that one day, I will destroy the world! The world! (_spirits emerge out of Laguna's body and oddly disappear, and the sky somehow clears up from the darkness that it was assumingly in_)

Squall: It's finally over.

Rinoa: It isn't over yet. We'll have to fight Ultimecia sooner or later.

Irvine: And we'll be ready.

Squall: (…) Get out of our mushy moment! (**kick his ass**)

To be continued…

Squall: Make sure everything is repaired.

Xu: Yes sir!

Squall: Wait, what's with him?

Xu: All the hot dogs were destroyed.

Zell: (sob) Leave me. I need to be alone with my smoked friends! (chomp)

* * *

**It will be continued, don't worry about that.**

**Kira: Now hurry and review!**

**What she said.**


	47. Remember the Good Times

**Season 3 y'all! Now, for something I always wanted to do.**

* * *

Chapter 47 – Remember the Good Times

Zell: Now that the war is finally over, I guess we should rename the story eh?

Rinoa: What you mean?

Zell: You know, like the adventures of Squall and friends, co-starring Zell.

Squall: Nah, we'll have to fight them again. Besides, I'll never co-star with you. Say, remember when we were…

Flashback: Dollet

Squall: Man, everyone left! Told you guys not to stop by the bar.

Zell: The booze there is great!

Stephie: I didn't even get to drink any.

Squall: Well this is just great.

Man: I can give you a ride in my submarine if you want. All you have to do is run some errands for me around town.

Squall: (…) Uh… (**punch**) Quick, steal the submarine before he wakes up!

Flashback over

Stephie: Oh yeah! That was fun!

Quistis: You guys just barely passed. Consider it a fluke that you guys are SeeDs.

Squall: Not our fault. Blame Zell. Drunken bastard.

Zell: Man. Well remember when Squall…

Flashback: Fisherman's Horizon

Squall: Ok, park over there in that spot. Slow down, you're going too fast! Oh god. (_splat_) Man, hope he's going to be ok. (**crash**) Hope they have insurance for those boats. (**boom**) Ok, we're parked. But we destroyed the pier. Just back away. Just back away. (Backing-up Beeping sounds)

Flashback over

Irvine: Man that was fun. People started yelling at us.

Rinoa: Oh oh, that reminds me of the time when…

Flashback: Timber

Watts: Boy, Timber sure has changed!

Squall: But the owls are still here.

Watts: Good. Now follow me.

Squall: Who are you?

Watts: I'm Watts.

Squall: Look, it's the train.

Watts: Who cares? Just follow me before… (**crash**, _flies away_) Ah!

Rinoa: Oops.

Zone: This is why I don't let you drive.

Flashback over

Irvine: You know, I still wonder how we got the Ragnorak.

Squall: Well…

Flashback: Ragnorak

Squall: Hello, is anyone there?

Voice: Hello Ragnorak, I haven't heard from you in 30 years, how are things?

Squall: We just defeated the 8 creatures in the ship. Now, we are in the bridge waiting for some help to get back home.

Voice: Ok, just press the big red button with a skull on it.

Squall: (**boom**) What was that?

Voice: Your engine blew up. Now, your ship should crash back home in approximately ten minutes. Keep all hands and legs inside the vehicle and have a safe trip!

Rinoa: That does not sound good. Where are the seatbelts?

Voice: Oh. Right. Hey guys, I knew we forgot something on our ships. Seatbelts! (Random sounds of agreement behind) Ok, well, we'll be sure to install them when you land. Good bye! (static)

Flashback over

Zell: Man, you guys landed right near me.

Rinoa: Yeah, we were so close!

Stephie: What about the trip to Shumi Village?

Flashback: Shumi Village

Squall: Hello.

Shumi: Week, whark, wheep, whark, whark!

Squall: What?

Shumi: (_slowly_) Week, whark, wheep, whark, WHARK!

Zell: Out of our way! (**kicks one**)

Shumi: Week!

An army of Shumi's take Zell away.

Stephie: Bye Zell! Send us a funny postcard!

Flashback over

Stephie: Good times, good times.

Zell: Unfair. You guys are all against me.

Quistis: Non-sense. You help sometimes like when…

Flashback: White Room

Quistis: (_ponder_) Ok, you don't help.

Flashback over

Squall: What about Pupu?

Rinoa: Pupu was nice.

Flashback: Somewhere

Squall: Hey, look in the sky, it's a bird.

Stephie: It's a plane!

Quistis: It's an alien spaceship carrying a tiki.

Zell: Follow it!

Stephie: We're right behind it. What are your orders?

Squall: Shoot it down! (**bam, bam, bam, bam, boom,** _weewoowawoowaa_) We are rid of the alien threat. (victory theme)

Flashback over

Squall: Man, those were some good times.

Zell: Remember when we went to hell?

Flashback: Hell?

Squall: This is as boring as hell.

Zell: We are in hell.

A wondrous world filled with flowers and other mushy stuff.

Squall (…) Get, me, out of here!

Flashback over

Stephie: Or maybe when we…

Flashback: Esther

Man: Esther is one of the best technological cities on the world map. Now, go into this suction tube. Ok, they're all in. (siren) What is this? How is the pipe clogged? Squall, can you hear me? What is wrong?

Squall: There's something in the way.

Hobo: Would you mind? I'm trying to sleep.

Flashback over

Xu: Squall, get to the bridge, NOW! There's something happening.

Squall: Anyone flashbacking?

Everyone: No.

Squall: Damn. Guess I have to get up now.

To be continued…

Vinson: Remember when we were at the place playing Black Jack?

Flashback: Some room

Kira: No, we were playing Go Fish!

Flashback: Some room

Vinson: Black Jack!

Kira: Go Fish!

Vinson: Black Jack!

Kira: Go Fish!

Flashback quickly changes between the two rooms. Stephanie enters the room and the flashing stops.

Stephanie: Hey, they're giving away free playing cards outside!

Kira: Yay! Playing cards!

Vinson: (blink, blink) Than don't mind if I swipe these playing cards on the ground. Wait for me! I want playing cards too!

Flashback over

Kira: Man, I don't remember the game to be like this...

Vinson: Yeah, I think something's wrong...maybe we should spend the night to make sure everything is alright!

Stephanie: YEAH! But we need some bacon in the morning!

Kira: Yeah! I can cook!

Stephanie: YOSH! AND WE NEED POTATOS!

Vinson: I don't think that I want anything you cook...

Kira: I'll go get the sleeping bags!

Vinson: I got playing cards!


	48. Remember the Good Times, Part 2

Chapter 48 – Remember the Good Times, Part 2

Squall: Man, the elevator was broken so I had to take the stairs.

Xu: Alright. Laguna wishes to speak with you.

Squall: What? That's what you called me up for? Can't we just send him a fruit basket like we did for Cid?

Xu: We're out.

Squall: Fine. Main Screen turn on.

Laguna: HEY! Squall. Thanks for saving me and all. It's all nice and all, since it was cruel being evil having to wear the evil clothes, building stuff in fractions of the second, working my hands to the…

Squall: This channel sucks. Let's see what's on channel 11.

Laguna: And you won't believe what… (_channel changes_)

Squall: Is it time for the Simpsons yet?

Xu: No.

Squall: (_channel surf_) Well there's nothing else good on. Let's just listen to Laguna. (_changes channel_)

Laguna: In the end, thanks man. Now, can you send Kiros back?

Kiros: I knew you wouldn't forget me man.

Squall: Alright, alright, alright. Ready the catapult!

Kiros: Is this safe?

Squall: Nope. (**launch**) Write back!

Laguna: Thanks. Be sure to visit sometime! (_screen turns off_)

Squall: Psht, like that's going to happen. Let's get back to flashbacking.

Flashback over

Stephie: How that happen?

Irvine: I don't know. Can you flashback to the present or something?

Squall: Say remember the time when…

Flashback: Shuttle Launch

Mechanic: Fire the missle pods! (**pshoot, pshoot, pshoot**)

The party goes into outer space inside missile pods. Squall's and Rinoa's pods lands safely in the bundles of nets. Zell misses his nets by a couple of inches and crashes into the space station.

Flashback over

Zell: They had to shoot me back since I couldn't pay the fee.

Irvine: What about…

Flashback: Missile Base

Stephie: So how does this control panel work? (_beep, beep, beep boop_)

Irvine: (**pulls axe out and smashes it**) That's how it works! Now let's go see the missile launch I heard of.

Flashback over

Stephie: You blew up Trabia Garden! How could you?

Irvine: I wouldn't axe if I were you.

Rinoa: Oh, remember the time when…

Flashback: Tomb of the Unknown King

Squall: Hey, a lever. (_pulls it_)

Rinoa: You idiot! You pulled the level and released the water, this place will be flooded in several minutes!

Squall: Luckily I brought my snorkel. (_wears it_)

Rinoa: That isn't going to save you.

Squall: What? It says "Allows you to breathe underwater!"

Rinoa: It also says on the side "May cause death."

Flashback over

Squall: (_puts on snorkel_) This thing is cool.

Zell: Remember when I tried to fly?

Flashback: Balamb Garden Roof

Squall: This is not going to work.

Zell: Course it is. Float, Aura! Alright, off I go!

Squall: Let me help. (**shoves him off**)

Zell: (_far away_) I believe I can fly! (**thump**)

Flashback over

Quistis: Better than the time you thought potatoes could talk.

Zell: They can talk and I'll prove it!

Irvine: Say, where's Galbadia right now?

Squall: Well, we know that when the time is right, we'll finish them off good.

Xu: Yea.

Squall: Hey, this is our time to flashback, come back some other time!

Xu: Fine, fine. Just wanted some marshmallows and sit around the campfire with my friends.

Stephie: Maybe Zell shouldn't have…

Flashback: Monster Arena

Squall: Thanks for agreeing to help out our monster arena!

Zell: Agreed? You just shoved me into a room with a plate of hot dogs. Which was very good.

Squall: Well anyway, send out the Behemoths!

Zell: Behemoths?

Squall: Yeah, we need to see if they like feeding time.

Zell: (pulls out hot dog) I'm going to die the way I lived!

Flashback over

Rinoa: Man. The worst time I hated was…

Flashback: Centra Ruins, try 1

Squall: Man, the monsters here are hard.

Rinoa: The timer in the top-right corner is almost up!

Squall: Screw that timer.

Odin: Zantetsuken!

Squall: Ah crud.

**Game Over** pops up on screen.

Squall: Boring! Where's the part where I die?

Playstation explodes from overusage.

Squall: (On fire) Oh man. This is not normal.

Flashback over

Zell: Well I remember when…

Flashback: World Map

Zell: What is this? (_goes through green tube_)

Luigi: (_Italian voice_) It's a me, Luigi!

Zell: I thought that was Mario's line, and why is he over there?

Mario: (_burning over stove like pig_) I'm a kill a you when I get a down!

Luigi: You see nothing! (_shoves Zell back through tube_)

Flashback over

Squall: Yeah right.

Zell: It's true!

Squall: I'm out of memories. You guys?

Everyone: Yea.

Squall: Figured.

Xu: Squall! Distress call from Esther. Monsters are being called down from the moon! It's the Lunar Cry!

Squall: Again?

Stephie: Alright, let's kick some monster butt!

Xu: Bad news, the Garden's out of gas.

To be continued…

Soldier: Alright guys! I got the gas! Took me several days to take all of it! Guys? Guys? Oh no, there was a nuclear explosion and I'm the last living human on the planet!


	49. Lunar Cry a Lot

Chapter 49 – Lunar Cry a Lot

Squall: Finally, the tank's full.

Employee: Now that'll be 250,000 gil. Can't believe you have a 10,000 galleon tank.

Squall: Sure. Now let me pull out my wallet…OH MY GOD! IS SOMEONE STEALING GAS?

Employee: Where! (_runs off_)

Squall: Ok, everyone get back in and we'll get away.

After several hours…

Stephie: There! Esther's under siege!

Squall: Everyone stay here and defend the garden. I don't care how, but there better not be a scratch by the time I get back!

Student: (…) Scratch. (_picks on wall_)

Squall: Vinson, I'll talk to you when we get back.

Vinson: What? Kevin scratched the wall.

Squall: I know. But he gets good grades and since you have the lowest GPA in the school, we're going to expel you.

Vinson: No! Not again!

At the garage…

Squall: Everyone on their speed bikes? Alright, let's go! (**everyone rides off into city in cool scene**) Yea! (_faint voice_) Sorry Zell, there aren't enough bikes!

Zell: It's ok, I don't want a cool bike. (_walks away_)

Squall: Alright gang, this is a rescue mission. We have to invade that big building over there and…as much as I hate it, rescue Laguna.

Stephie: And kick monster butt on the way there!

Irvine: Let's do this.

Rinoa: Lasers on! Yeah!

Squall: Yeah, good job and all, but could you try not shooting me!

Rinoa: Oh, oops.

Irvine: There's a wave of monsters coming right at us!

Squall: We can't take them. Split up! (_screech_)

Rinoa: Man, we got separated from them.

Squall: No time to stop. Let's get in the tube.

In a tube…

Squall: Oof. Oh, hey, get a job! Ouch.

Rinoa: Everything ok?

Squall: Yea, but why there so many hobos in the tube?

Rinoa: Just shoot them, we're doing them a favor. (**peo, peo, peo, peo, peo, boom**) Yea!

Squall: There's too many of them!

Rinoa: Quick, there's an exit over there! (_goes through light_)

Squall: (_zoom out far away, faint voice_) We're free! (**boom**)

At the other side of the city…

Irvine: There's no way we can defeat them all.

Stephie: Veer into that cove over there.

Irvine: Alright. (_screech_**, boom**)

Stephie: Too early!

Irvine: (faint) I know that!

Stephie: Wee! (**drives in**)

Quistis: We have to go back.

Stephie: No, it's too late for him.

Irvine: (_faint_) I'm still alive!

Stephie: Oh I can still hear his voice calling out to us.

Irvine: (_faint_) I'm still alive! Come on, listen, STILL, ALIVE!

Stephie: It's just too sad, but we must fight on for him.

Irvine: (_faint_) Sigh, I'll go look for Squall and Rinoa.

Stephie and Quistis found themselves in front of the presidential building.

Stephie: I guess we're early. We should wait for the others.

Quistis: Yeah. (_random **growling** sounds_) But these guys don't…

At a random city trough…

Squall: Man my head hurts. Oh no!

Rinoa: What?

Squall: I forgot to buy insurance on those bikes.

Rinoa: Relax, I'll buy us some new ones when we get back.

Squall: But these can talk!

Bike: Squall, I always loved you.

Rinoa: I can talk too.

Squall: Can't you see I'm mourning over my lost?

Irvine: Guys, I finally found you! Quistis and Stephie are at the presidential building and monsters are attacking them. I don't think they'll last more than 2 seconds.

Rinoa: Which way?

Irvine: I left a trail of bread crumbs that we could follow back that's right over here…

Hansel: Oh god, this bread is delicious! Don't you think Gretel?

Gretel: Ya, ya, this bread good.

Irvine: Not good, fairy tale characters.

Gretel: It's the cops! Run Hansel!

Hansel: Ah!

Irvine: Sigh, well that's all spilled milk. Now we have to find the way back on our own. And I heard its Behemoth hunting time.

Squall: (_wears safari hat_) Well nothing that we can't handle! Let's move!

To be continued…

Vinson: Hey, I do not have a low GPA! Kira!

Stephanie: Nope, it was me idiot. Kira is in the bathroom.

Vinson: What, your bad potatoes did that?

Stephanie: No, shut up!

* * *

**Actually, I am a very good student. I have approximately a 4.0 GPA and my friends too.**


	50. The Turning of the Worse

**2000 words of laughter. The longest I have gone. Man, I'm starting to run out of jokes. But who cares.**

* * *

Chapter 50 – The Turning for the Worse

Stephie: There are too many monsters.

Quistis: Quick, head inside.

Stephie: The door's locked!

Quistis: Not good.

Behemoth: Roar!

Quistis: This is not going to end well.

Over at some random location…

Squall: We're lost.

Irvine: No, we're not lost. I just don't know where we are.

Rinoa: We're in the shopping district. Oh look, it's Cloud.

Cloud: Oh great, its you guys. Listen, buy something, or get out.

Squall: Why do you have a shop here in Esther?

Cloud: Good customers, but now I just sell Weapons and Armor to soldiers. (**boom**)

Soldier: Gah! It's over…we're doomed!

Cloud: Don't get any blood on my shop or else I'll chop you in half. Then in quarters. Then in sixteenths. Then we'll just bury you since your body is too small to cut.

Squall: Well, could you tell us which way to the Presidential District?

Cloud: Sure, it's that way. (_party leaves_)

Soldier: Could you use some potions on me please?

Cloud: No free samples! Now go away.

Soldier: (faint)

Cloud: Sigh, not again. Tifa, we have another dead soldier, help me drag in his body!

At the garden…

Zell: I want a cool bike too…

Black-robed Stranger: (_deep voice_) Zell, I want your soul.

Zell: What will you give me?

Black-robed Stranger: (a happy voice) This shiny nickel!

Zell: Deal!

The black-robed stranger gives Zell the coin, than sucks Zell's soul out of the body and into a bottle.

Zell: Hey, where my nickel go?

Black-robed stranger: I have it. I have your soul, so I get your stuff! Muwhahahaha.

At the palace…

Quistis: Quick, up the stairs!

Behemoth: Roar!

Stephie: The road splits up, which way do we go?

Shoot screen to decide, 20, 19, 18…bang.

Stephie: When in doubt, go left.

At a street…

Squall: We're lost again!

Irvine: Shut up.

Rinoa: I agree with Squall. We're lost.

Irvine: Oh look, footprints!

Rinoa: We'll wait here.

Irvine: Suit yourself. (_walks off_)

Rinoa: Where does he think he's going?

Squall: We have to figure out a way to get to the city, before… (_Irvine comes from behind them_)

Irvine: Hey, how you guys get in front of me?

Rinoa: What? We've been standing right here.

Squall: So we walked in circles. Great job Irvine!

Back at the shop…

Cloud: Get your head on a pike here! Only 100 gil each! Fresh heads! Limited time only! Recently killed!

Back to Squall…

Squall: Ok, so we head on this path to get to the presidential palace.

Soldier: Right.

Squall: Ok, thanks.

Soldier: No problem.

Soldier: Hey, they're serving meat loaf at the mess hall today!

Soldiers: Yah! (**random battle cries**)

Squall: Alright, weird, let's hurry.

At the palace…

Quistis: There's no where else for us to go…

Stephie: We're trapped!

AHHHH! (fade to black)

At the garden…

Black-robed Stranger: I got a soul, oh yes I do, I got a nickel, yes I do, I got a soul and a nickel from a guy named Zell. Do, do, do do do…

God, too many scene switches. At a street…

Squall: Come on, let's hurry, they're waiting for us.

Irvine: But it's like 10 miles away, how will we get there?

Rinoa: Leave it to me.

Squall: Rinoa, you know you can't hotwire.

Rinoa: Oh I wouldn't be so sure about that. (random clicking sounds, car starts)

Squall: Ok, maybe you can. Let's go.

Rinoa: Wait, this car is almost out of gas. Let's steal that airship.

Squall: Fine. It's not a Ragnorak, but its close enough.

Xu: Welcome back sir.

Squall: What? We're stealing our own garden?

Rinoa: It looked different from the outside.

Irvine: Never mind that, off to the presidential palace!

To be continued, after this funny scene.

Xu: Sir, Zell has fainted and appeared to be dead, but not really dead, like he's…missing a soul…

Squall: And I care, why?

We're back.

Xu: Sir, someone wishes to see you. It's a black-robed person. And no, we can't send him off. No more fruit baskets.

Squall: Not good. Just send him in.

Black-robed Stranger: (_sinister voice_) Hello Squall. I've come to give you a warning. You will have to make a life defying choice, and someone will die somewhere along the next chapters.

Squall: Can it be Zell?

Black-robed Stranger: (_less sinister voice_) Well you won't see him anymore of this chapter so no.

Rinoa: Wait, why should we trust you?

Black-robed Stranger: You don't have to, but you'll come to your senses soon enough.

Squall: Man, what was with that?

Rinoa: We're here. Let's get off.

Irvine: I'll stay and watch Zell.

Squall: Why? He's a dummy now. Not like he wasn't one before.

Irvine: Well someone has to watch him.

Squall: Alright, let's go then Rinoa. (**jumps off**)

Rinoa: Right. (**jumps off**)

Squall: Open the parachutes now! (_pulls string_, **note comes out**)

"Dear Squall, remind me to put in parachutes. –Zell"

Rinoa: Great.

Squall: What now?

Rinoa: Float! (**boom**) Whoops, sorry, I only had one left.

Squall: (_muffled_) Oh joy.

Rinoa: Cura! Stop slacking off, let's go save the others.

Squall: (_muffled_) Get me out of this hole than.

Rinoa: Oh right. Ok, let's go. (**zoom out**)

Vinson: I don't like this part. Fast forward…

Stephanie: What are you doing?

Vinson: I already saw this on the commercial.

Stephanie: Well I want to watch it again! Rewind…

Vinson: No, we're not watching this again. Fast forward…

Stephanie: Rewind!

Vinson: Fast forward!

Stephanie: Rewind!

Vinson: Fast forward!

Clash of static between eyes.

Kira: I'm back.

Vinson: Pause! Where you been? You missed a lot! Like how we made it so it is computer controlled and we can rewind, pause, play, and fast forward.

Kira: I had some business to do. But look, I got a nickel!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC!)

Vinson: Yea, yea, sit down, turn off your MP3 player, and I'll hit the play button. (click, click, click) Damn, this thing is broken or something.

Stephanie: No, wait, it's out of batteries you numbskull! Here, I'll put it in.

Vinson: Fine. I never wanted to put in batteries…

Stephanie: PLAY!

Squall: You ready?

Rinoa: Let's do this. (**kicks door open**)

Squall: Buffy the Vampire Slayer is in the house! Ready Buffy?

Buffy: Ready anytime Squall.

Squall: Let's go.

A swarm of bite bugs swarm the party.

Buffy: Squall, what are you crazy? I hunt vampires, not bugs! I'm out of here.

Squall: Too, (**slash**) many of them. (**slash**)

Rinoa: Yea, we can't hold them off.

Squall: Quick, into that room.

Rinoa: Ah!

Squall: Rinoa!

Rinoa: Squall, help, I'm oddly being carried off by a swarm of bite bugs!

Squall: I'm coming!

Rinoa: Save me! (_disappears into black darkness_)

Squall: Man, why are all the girls kidnapped? Now I won't have a date to go to the prom. Ah, time for me to rush into the abyss. (_walks in_) Ok, where am I?

Laguna: Hey.

Squall: Oh god! You scared me.

Laguna: Yeah, I do that sometimes.

Squall: Where are the others?

Laguna: They're in the room over there. There's a save point we can use.

Squall: Great! (…) Hey, I'm out of slots in my memory card.

Laguna: Overwrite something.

Squall: Let's see…porn…porn…porn…nope, they're all too valuable.

Laguna: Wow, nice. Let's just go in there and kick some ass.

Squall: Right.

Laguna: Lock and load.

Squall: Rah!

Laguna: Yah!

Squall: Rah!

Laguna: Yah!

Both: Yahhhhhh! (**bonk**)

Laguna: Here, let me open the door for you.

Squall: Thanks. Rah!

Voice: Who dares enter my lair?

Squall: Squall "Coolio" Leonhart!

Laguna: I'm with stupid.

Voice: Well than, I must congratulate you for getting this far. But this is where your efforts go in vain.

Squall: Shut up and show yourself.

Voice: Fine. I am… (**lights flicker on**)

Squall: Gasp!

Laguna: Oh my god!

Voice: Damn it, this light switch won't work correctly. (**flicks switch on and off)**

Squall: Gasp!

Laguna: Oh my god it's still dark!

Voice: Could someone get the lights? (doink) Thank you!

Squall: Oh, it's just you. Vincent Valentine…

Vincent: Yes, that's right. I wanted to get revenge for what he (points at Laguna) did to Cait Sith!

Laguna: What did I do?

Squall: You cut off his hand.

Laguna: Really? (_checks pocket and finds white hand_) Oh. Well that's a keeper. (_stashes it back in pocket_)

Vincent: Now, it's time to die! (**bat swarms engulf the party**)

Some time later…

Squall: Uh, what? Where am I and why are my hands tied up.

Irvine: You're in heaven.

Squall: Than why is everything dank and dark?

Irvine: Oh, I mean, welcome to hell. And I'll be your guide through the fiery pits and caverns.

Squall: Is Rinoa here?

Irvine: No. She went to heaven.

Squall: Noooooooooooooo!

Quistis: Stop torturing him.

Rinoa: Relax, you're not in hell. You're just tied up like the rest of us.

Zell: (…)

Squall: Why is he here?

Stephie: I don't know…

Vincent: Enough!

Squall: Why Vincent, why?

Vincent: I want revenge, don't you remember?

Squall: No, I mean why did you bring Zell along?

Vincent: (pokes Zell's body several times) Hmm, I don't know. (poke, poke, poke)

Rinoa: Let us go, we have nothing to do for your revenge!

Vincent: True, but than I'll be bored. And you won't like what happens when I'm bored.

Stephie: Why not destroy your world?

Vincent: Well… Sephiroth did that already and pretty well might I add and I somehow got knocked into your world. Now, enough questions! Let us begin the ceremonies!

Squall: Laguna!

Laguna: Sorry. I must say, this is actually more comfortable than it looks.

Vincent: Firaga!

Laguna: OHMYGOSHI'MONFIRE! I mean, something…not…stolen…again…

Vincent: Everything is going according to plan. (something runs behind him) What was that? (turns around)

Squall: (whisper) Thanks Kiros.

Kiros: No problem. Now get in there and kick his ass. Several soldiers will help you out. I'll stay in the shadows and watch you guys die. I mean fight.

Squall: Let's go!

Vincent: What? Capture them!

Laguna: Ok sure, leave me up here on fire. I don't care.

(_zoom out_)

Vinson: Damn, that's one good battle fight.

Stephanie: Needs more blood.

Kira: Man, where's the action? Where's the gun shooting, back-stabbing and throat-slitting action?

Vinson: That's Metal Gear Solid. This is Final Fantasy.

Kira: Same thing.

Stephanie: Wait, something's happening…

(_zoom in_)

Squall: Cloud?

Cloud: Vincent! Stop this madness! Come back to Esther and we'll fight monsters and stuff, like the good old days! We even got pistols, extra shiny.

Vincent: Not until this guy is dead!

Laguna: Still burning. Oh god the horror.

Vincent: We should demand retribution for what they did to Cait Sith!

Reeve: I'm fine.

Vincent: You're not Cait Sith!

Cloud: No, he is, now come down here and we'll talk things out.

Vincent: Fine.

At that moment, all the bats (what, you expected zombies to be Vincent's minions?) withdrew and disappeared above Vincent.

Cloud: (begins walking out with arm over Vincent's shoulder) You want a head on a pike?

Vincent: Hmm, nah…

Squall: Well now that's taken care of.

Kiros: Yeah, and the monsters are still roaming the city.

Rinoa: Well we better go and clean things up.

Irvine: Yeah, and we'll have to figure out what happened to Zell.

Squall: We'll do that last. Now let's go hunt some Behemoths!

Everyone: Yeah!

To, be, freaking, continued!

Laguna: GOD, I'M STILL UP HERE ON FIRE! GET ME DOWN! OH MAN, WHEN I GET DOWN, I'LL PUMP YOUR HEAD FULL OF LEAD! GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!


	51. Inner Power

**This chapter is 700 words. I'm really occupied and only do the story when my brain is overworked, or underworked.**

* * *

Chapter 51 – Inner Power

At Balamb Garden…

Irvine: Zell still hasn't woken up.

Squall: (…)

Rinoa: We have to do something about it. Zell won't wake up on his own.

Squall: But what could we do? It's not like there's a potion out there.

Black-robed Stranger: I concur, there is.

Squall: Alright, who let the oddball come in? Security!

Black-robed Stranger: No, no, wait, I'm here to help.

Squall: Oh ok. You can help by leaving. Security!

Black-robed Stranger: Alright fine. But listen, there is an item called "Shard of business."

Quistis: How will that help us?

Squall: Better hurry, they should be coming in any second.

Black-robed Stranger: Actually, I don't know. But you buy items for free at shops, like this cool light saber. (**feew, feew**) Alright, I'll be leaving. See ya! (_leaves_)

Stephie: (_enters_) Guys, I found something on the internet.

Squall: You're the worst security I have ever hired.

Stephie: Yea, yea, anyway, there are these shards, each with a special ability. Like the "Shard of Business" which…

Quistis: We got that earlier, what else?

Stephie: There's also one called "Shard of Resurrection" It brings anyone back life to anyone who appears dead or unconscious.

Squall: That's great! Where can we get this?

Stephie: The current holder is…Black-robed Stranger. Kind of like the guy who walked out of here with a shard in his hand, but I knew it couldn't be the same person. Now what were we talking about?

Squall: (…) Did he say where he was going?

Rinoa: No, so I say we use the internet.

1 hour later…

Ding. Ding. Ding.

Squall: Stephie! This is not time to play Pong!

Stephie: Sorry. Alright, it say's that he was last sighted at Galbadia.

Rinoa: Oh yay! We can visit my father.

Squall: Wait, this seems too easy. Anyway, full speed toward those mountains!

Ding. Ding. Ding.

Squall: Enough with Pong!

Xu: Sir, we have a problem. It appears that Galbadia and Dollet are fighting. If we enter the battle, both sides will call fire on us. What do you wish for us to do?

Squall: What else are we going to do? Kill them all! Charrrrrrgggeee!

Quistis: No, we can't. Galbadia still have the Mako Cannons, and Dollet is our allies. Killing them will break our peace treaty.

Irvine: Let's do something that doesn't involve fighting.

Squall: (looks at control board) Shoot cannons, fire lasers, catapult rocks, emergency To-Arms, suicide charge, explode garden…

Stephie: Why do you have an "Explode Garden" button?

Squall: When I feel bored, I want to have fun. Is that so wrong?

Irvine: Oh look, a "Kill Zell" button.

Squall: Yea, there are many of them scattered around the garden. You ever wonder why Zell get shocked at random moments?

Rinoa: Yes…Oh…wow…

Squall: What can we do?

Xu: There's the ninja costumes you had wore for Halloween.

Squall: Mine doesn't fit anymore.

Xu: Well, we could parachute in.

Squall: Fine, but we parachute quietly.

Rinoa: Which side are we taking?

Squall: The side that doesn't die! Now come on. There are people to assassinate. (leaves)

Irvine: (_blink blink_) Is it me, or is Squall more into killing people than he usually is?

Rinoa: It's you. Now let's go.

Later…

Squall: Alright, everyone jump off! (_jumps_)

Stephie: Wee! (_jumps_)

Rinoa: I better live! (_jumps_)

Quistis: Go go go! (_jumps_)

Irvine: (…) Ok, I'll just jump from the front gate. (_leaves_)

The party jumped from the Garden (with the exception of Irvine who apparently is walking) into a random building.

Rinoa: Ow, that hurt. Where are we?

Carway: Rinoa? What are you doing in my mansion?

To be continued…

Black-robed Stranger: One-way ticket to the Island Closest to Hell please.

Ticket Master: I'm sorry, we only have tickets to the Island Closest to Heaven.

Black-robed Stranger: Fine, than get me the best airship, soldiers, sailors, ships, armor, weapons, accessories, potions, robots, catapults, bombs, TNT, rockets, nuclear bombs, and other dangerous stuff you may have. I'll need them for my plan…MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ticket Master: Will that be cash, check, or credit?

Black-robed Stranger: Oh, credit. Muwhaha! Do you accept Debit?

Ticket Master: I'm sorry, we don't.

Black-robed Stranger: Nooooooooooooooooo!


	52. Wilson Joined the Party!

Chapter 52 – Wilson Joined the Party!

Rinoa: And that's why we're after the Black-Robed Stranger.

Carway: Oh I see. Well, I'm pretty sure that the Black-robed Stranger is heading to the Island closest to Hell. Don't ask how I know because I'm just an NPC who gives you valuable information hidden in thousands of speak bubbles. Anyways, you need a ride?

Squall: Yeah, I'm not sure if we can get back to the Garden. It's still in the air.

In the air…

Xu: Ok, they've landed. As an underpaid secretary, I'm taking over. Let's land at those mountains. Now which button does what?

(Presses **Destroy Garden** Button)

Xu: Uh-oh. Have to do something extremely crazy. (Punches random guy) You're ugly and fat. Give me your money.

Guy: But I'm just ugly. I'm actually pretty skinny compared to most…

Xu: (Shoots him) You're dead compared to most guys.

The garden explodes and goes down on the ground. Squall looks out the window to witness the explosion.

Squall: Never mind, we need a ride.

Carway: Quick, hop in my car. (Pulls out keys and calls car)

Big airship breaks through the wall.

Carway: Don't scratch it or you guys will ALL DIE!

Rinoa: Thanks dad!

The team goes off with the airship. Carway presses a button on his desk.

Carway: Dana, get in here. Bring a broom.

…

On the airship…

Squall: (staring at Stephie) And why are you driving?

Stephie: Because I can!

Rinoa: Maybe you shouldn't.

Stephie: I am, whether you want me to or not.

Irvine: Yeah, I mean, what's the problem with that?

The airship gets hit by a missile.

Squall: That perhaps?

Stephie: It's only a scratch.

The engine dies out. The ship goes down and crashes onto land.

Rinoa: That, is NOT a scratch!

Irvine: Just great, I'm never driving with any of you guys ever again!

Squall: Well, we just crash landed on a desert island.

The party is on a desert island.

Squall: Yeah, what I said.

Stephie: I'm hungry. Anyone got any food?

Irvine: Oh man, that's not good. We didn't bring any food for any of us!

Squall: I volunteer cannibalism. Who wants to eat Zell?

Everyone raises their hand.

Irvine: Well, incase you haven't noticed, Zell isn't here right now!

Squall: Who wants to eat Irvine?

Everyone raises their hand except Irvine.

Squall: It's official. Tonight we're having Irvine barbeque.

Irvine: You guys are all mad.

Quistis: Not really, just adding a twist to this already twisted plot. Plus, we're hungry.

Irvine: Well, if you're so hungry…fetch!

Irvine tosses a cookie over a cliff. Everyone except Squall and Irvine chase after it and fall off the cliff.

Irvine: Squall, why didn't you go after it?

Squall: I don't like cookies, that's all.

Irvine: Well that's just great. Where are we going to stay for the night?

Squall: We can set camp here.

Irvine: But there's no shelter.

Squall: There's the Motel 6 over there.

Irvine: Yea, but can you pay for 8900 gil a night?

Squall: (…) No.

Irvine: Exactly, so unless you have a plan, we're going to die here of thirst, starvation, and perhaps cannibalism, depending on if you remain sane or not.

Squall: Hello talking hot dog.

Irvine: (cocks shotgun) Back off. I'm still sane enough to shoot you.

Squall: By the way, don't you have cookies?

Irvine: That was my last one.

Squall: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Irvine: I thought you don't like cookies.

Squall: I like them more than you.

Irvine: Oh gee, thanks.

Squall: What's this? (Picks up volleyball) You're my new friend.

Irvine: You're not serious right?

Squall: I'll call you…Wilson.

Irvine: You're mad.

Squall: Wilson! You talked!

Irvine: Um, that's me.

Squall: Wilson, you're my new best friend.

Irvine: But…I'm your best friend.

Squall: That's right, you're my best friend. (Rubs volleyball on face)

Irvine: Squall, we should go get food.

Squall: You bet Wilson! You search over there and I'll search over here! (Throws Wilson over cliff and runs off in opposite direction)

Irvine: And why is he the leader I don't know.

Elsewhere…in a white dimension…

Xu: Ow…damage report!

Engineer: From what I see, we're dead.

Xu: Oh great, not only does this totally look bad on my employee record, I also forgot to buy life insurance!

Guy: I had life insurance.

Xu: Shut up, don't make me shoot you again.

Guy: Why should I care? I'm dead.

Xu: (…) fine, hold this. (Gives dagger to guy)

Guy: What do…

Xu: Hold it to your heart.

Guy: (Puts dagger though spiritual body where heart is) Like this?

Xu: Yeah. Now die. (_Casts life on guy_)

Guy: (Becomes real and dagger **cuts** though heart) Ah! Freaking… (Becomes ghostly) That hurt.

Xu: No duh, now shut up and find us a way out of here.


	53. Regroup

Previously on Final Fantasy 8 – Balamb Garden vs. Galbadia Garden…

Squall: I'm going to call you…Wilson.

Irvine: You're mad.

Squall: Go search for food over there Wilson! I'll search for food over here. (Throws Wilson over a cliff and than leaves)

…

Scene Change

…

Xu: Status report!

Engineer: We're dead.

Xu: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

…

Scene Change

…

Laguna: (Maniacal laugh)

Kiros: Don't do that.

…

Scene Change

…

Vinson: What do you mean we have to go to school?

Kira: You heard me. We can't stay in an arcade all day, we'll fail school!

Vinson: Course we can! I mean, we're still reading. Well, Stephanie is.

Stephanie: (Holding manga in front of her face) Uh-huh, sure.

Vinson: Anyways, what's the worst that could happen?

…

Scene Change

…

Vinson: (Behind bars) No! I'm too young to be in jail!

Kira: (In front of bars) That's what you get for ditching school.

Stephanie: (Behind bars) Then why am I here?

Kira: Because…because…wait, why are you there?

Stephanie: Oh no, let me out! I can't be stuck here with this…buffoon.

Vinson: (Catches on fire) Oh man. Not again. (Faints)

Kira and Stephanie: (…)

…

Scene Change

Chapter 53 – Regroup

Squall: I'm back!

Irvine: What? You're still alive! (Hides paper named "Squall's will")

Squall: Is Wilson back yet?

Irvine: No. Haven't heard from him since.

Squall: (!) Wilson? Noooooo! I'm going to save you! (Runs toward cliff)

Irvine: (Grabs Squall) Don't jump you crazy fool!

Squall: Jump? There's an elevator over there.

Irvine: Elevator?

Squall: Yeah, come on!

They both on in the elevator and go down.

At a military base…

Galbadia Soldier: Finally, I have stacked all the military mattresses on top of each other. I hope no one crashes from the ceiling and messes it up.

BAM! Quistis and Stephie breaks through the ceiling and lands on the Galbadia Soldier.

Quistis: Ow. What did we land on?

Stephie: This guy! (Points to the soldier) Hey! That's a nice pile of mattresses!

BAM! Rinoa breaks through the ceiling and lands on the pile of mattresses.

Rinoa: Oof. I missed the cookie.

Stephie: Where is it?

Rinoa: On the roof.

Stephie: Then what are we waiting for? Let's get that cookie!

Quistis: You can't be serious…

Stephie: For the cookie!

In an elevator…

Squall: Where are we going?

Irvine: I pressed B3, so I guess we're going down.

Ding!

Squall: Oh, we're here.

The door opens and a Galbadia Soldier is at the door.

Squall: Crap! (Grabs the soldier and pulls him in) Close the door!

Irvine: Ok! (Closes the door)

Squall: (Slaps gun out of Galbadia Soldier's hand) You won't need that.

Galbadia Soldier: Tsh, sure.

Squall: Ok, you're going to answer our questions or else. (Cracks knuckles)

Galbadia Soldier: Or else what?

Squall: (Cracks knuckles again) Oh, you'll see.

Irvine: Dude, how did you do that?

Squall: (Cracks knuckles again) Oh, I'm double-jointed.

Irvine: That's annoying.

Squall: (Cracks neck) Not really.

Irvine: Yes it is.

Squall: No it isn't. (Cracks elbow)

Irvine: Yes, it is.

Squall: No it isn't. (Cracks jaws)

Irvine: Dude, this is wrong.

Squall: No way. (Blinks and cracks eye)

Galbadia Soldier: That is seriously wrong dude.

Squall: (Cracks knuckles again) What did you say?

Galbadia Soldier: (…)

Squall: (Cracks neck) That's right. Now tell us what we want to know.

Irvine: (Shakes head) Stupid.

Squall: Where are we?

Galbadia Soldier: Your grave.

Squall: WRONG! (Cuts off Galbadia Soldier's arm)

Galbadia Soldier: AHHHHHHHH!

Squall: Answer the question or you'll lose the other!

Galbadia Soldier: We're in…Area 51.

Irvine: (Cocks shotgun) Don't lie. Now where are we?

Galbadia Soldier: A...lab…to mutate…monsters…

Squall: So why is the Black-Robed Stranger coming here…?

Irvine: (…)

Squall: (…)

Irvine: (…)

Squall: (…)

Irvine: (…)

Squall: (…)

Irvine: (…)

Galbadia Soldier: (Dies quietly…)

Squall: (…)

Irvine: (…)

Squall: (…)

Irvine: (…)

Squall: (…)

Irvine: (…)

Squall: (…)

Irvine: (…)

Squall: (…)

Galbadia Soldier: (Rots quietly…)

Irvine: (…)

Squall: (…)

Irvine: (…)

Squall: (…)

Irvine: (…)

Squall: What freaking button did you press?

Irvine: All I did was close the door, nothing else!

Squall: Then open the freaking door so we can get out of here! I don't want to be stuck in here with you!

Irvine: (…)

Squall: And him!

Galbadia Soldier: (Has flies flying around decaying body)

Irvine: Yeah, good idea. (Opens door)

Several Galbadia Soldiers are standing right in front of them.

Squall: (Grabs nearest soldier and pulls him in) Close the door!

Elsewhere…

Rinoa: Admit it.

Stephie: No!

Rinoa: Admit it.

Stephie: Never!

Rinoa: Come on.

Stephie: Why?

Rinoa: Because it's true!

Stephie: No it isn't!

Rinoa: Yep. Absolutely true.

Stephie: No, no, no!

Rinoa: Admit it.

Stephie: FINE! We're lost.

Rinoa: Annnnndddddd?

Stepihe: Hmph. And dogs are better than cats.

Rinoa: Ha!

Quistis: Would you two just shut up? It's hard to picklock doors with you two screaming.

Rinoa: Hurry it up then!

Quistis: Screw it, activate Laser Eyes! (Blasts door)

Rinoa: Whoa, holy $#!7.

Quistis: Yeah, it helps the time pass by in detention. Now come on!

Everyone makes their way through the door.

Rinoa: OMG! COOKIES! ()

Stephie: COOKIES! (Jumps in a pile of cookies)

Rinoa: (Goes into a pile of cookies) Quistis, these cookies are delicious! Have some!

Quistis: No thanks, I'm lactose intolerant.

Stephie: (Sticks head out of cookie pile) No, you're just mad cause you're fat!

Rinoa: Oooo, buurrrn.

Quistis: Shut it. I still control your semester grade!

Rinoa: Oooo, burrrrn.

Stephie: Least people like me cause I'm skinny and not wrinkly and fat!

Rinoa: Oooo, burrrrn.

Quistis: Know what Rinoa? You can burn! (Shoots beams of energy at Rinoa)

Rinoa: Uh-oh. (Ducks and evades) Ha!

The wall explodes and behind it are soldiers. They start to storm in.

Rinoa: Now look what you did!

Quistis: Only because you pissed me off!

Rinoa: Ok, that's it girls, grab the cookies and run!

To be continued…

Scene Change

Nothing…happens…

Scene Change


End file.
